tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15650340382919024532024-03-08T20:26:22.065-05:00What Is Midlife Crisis?whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-76753055387520689102018-06-24T07:24:00.000-04:002018-06-24T07:24:00.265-04:00What is Midlife Crisis?<u>Summaries of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> Midlife Crisis Test</li>
<li> Components of Midlife Crisis</li>
<li> Parker-Pope, Tara. “The Midlife Crisis Goes Global.”</li>
<li> Summary of Conway’s Stages of Midlife Crisis</li>
<li> Stumpf, K-R. “Stages of Midlife Crisis.”</li>
</ul>
<u>Testimonials from MLCers and their spouses</u><br />
<ul>
<li> MLC Script: The reasons spouses give for leaving</li>
<li> Forum posts from the spouses of MLCers</li>
<li> Responses to Huffington Post article on midlife crisis</li>
<li> Forum posts on how MLCers use Facebook</li>
<li> A female MLCer’s story</li>
<li> A male MLCer’s story</li>
<li> Another male MLCer’s story</li>
<li> Return stories and length of time to reconnection</li>
</ul>
<u>The Biochemistry of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> “Holy Hormones Honey!”: the relationship between anger and dropping testosterone</li>
<li> selection from Carver, Joseph, PhD. “The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems”</li>
<li> Gardner, Amanda. “Depression in Middle Age Linked to Dementia.”</li>
<li> Coles, Jeremy. “Great Apes May Have ‘Mid-Life Crisis,’ A Study Suggests,” on the biological basis of midlife crisis</li>
<li> “Genes ‘Play Key Happiness Role,’” on the genetic predisposition toward happiness or unhappiness</li>
<li> Nauert, Rick. “Immune Disorders Tied to Mental Illness?”</li>
</ul>
<u>The Psychology of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> Engs, R. C. “What Are Addictive Behaviors?”</li>
<li> Pittman, Frank. “Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity,” on the link between depression and infidelity</li>
<li> Folk-Williams, John. “Why Depressed Men Leave.”</li>
<li> Carver, Joseph, PhD. “Depression: Causes, Symptoms and Treatment.”</li>
<li> “Bipolar Disorder”</li>
</ul>
<u>Typical MLC: What You Might See and Hear</u><br />
<ul>
<li> Signs of Depression in MLC</li>
</ul>
whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-35681696247447485062013-07-16T07:30:00.000-04:002013-07-16T07:45:14.032-04:00What Is Midlife Crisis?<br />
<u>Summaries of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/midlife-crisis-test.html" target="_blank">Midlife Crisis Test</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/key-components-of-midlife-crisis.html" target="_blank">Components of Midlife Crisis</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/parker-pope-tara-midlife-crisis-goes.html" target="_blank">Parker-Pope, Tara. “The Midlife Crisis Goes Global.”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/the-stages-of-midlife-crisis-as.html" target="_blank">Summary of Conway’s Stages of Midlife Crisis</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/selection-from-stumpf-k-r-stages-of.html" target="_blank">Stumpf, K-R. “Stages of Midlife Crisis.”</a></li>
</ul>
<u>Testimonials from MLCers and their spouses</u><br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/forum-post-from-woman-whose-father.html" target="_blank">Forum post from a woman whose father battled depression</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/mlc-script-reasons-for-leaving-and.html" target="_blank">MLC Script: The reasons spouses give for leaving</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/comments-from-some-spouses-of-mlcers.html" target="_blank">Forum posts from the spouses of MLCers</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/comments-on-huffington-post-article-on.html" target="_blank">Responses to Huffington Post article on midlife crisis</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/how-mlcers-use-facebook.html" target="_blank">Forum posts on how MLCers use Facebook</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/forum-post-from-female-mlcer.html" target="_blank">A female MLCer’s story</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/letter-from-male-mlcer.html" target="_blank">A male MLCer’s story</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/letter-from-another-male-mlcer.html" target="_blank">Another male MLCer’s story</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/examples-of-reconciliations-from-two.html" target="_blank">Return stories and length of time to reconnection</a></li>
</ul>
<u>The Biochemistry of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/notes-on-holy-hormones-honey-podcast.html" target="_blank">“Holy Hormones Honey!”: the relationship between anger and dropping testosterone</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/costa-and-mccrae-normative-aging-study.html" target="_blank">Costa and McCrae Normative Aging Study</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/selection-from-carver-joseph-phd.html" target="_blank">selection from Carver, Joseph, PhD. “The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/gardner-amanda-depression-in-middle-age.html" target="_blank">Gardner, Amanda. “Depression in Middle Age Linked to Dementia.”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/coles-jeremy-great-apes-may-have-mid.html" target="_blank">Coles, Jeremy. “Great Apes May Have ‘Mid-Life Crisis,’ A Study Suggests,” on the biological basis of midlife crisis</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/genes-play-key-happiness-role-bbc-news.html" target="_blank">“Genes ‘Play Key Happiness Role,’” on the genetic predisposition toward happiness or unhappiness</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/nauert-rick-phd-immune-disorders-tied.html" target="_blank">Nauert, Rick. “Immune Disorders Tied to Mental Illness?”</a></li>
</ul>
<u>The Psychology of Midlife Crisis</u><br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/engs-r-c-what-are-addictive-behaviors.html" target="_blank">Engs, R. C. “What Are Addictive Behaviors?”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/selection-from-pittman-frank-beyond.html" target="_blank">Pittman, Frank. “Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity,” on the link between depression and infidelity</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/folk-williams-john-why-depressed-men.html" target="_blank">Folk-Williams, John. “Why Depressed Men Leave.”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/selection-from-carver-joseph-phd_16.html" target="_blank">Carver, Joseph, PhD. “Depression: Causes, Symptoms and Treatment.”</a></li>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/information-on-bipolar-disorder-from.html" target="_blank">Bipolar Disorder</a></li>
</ul>
<u>Typical MLC: What You Might See and Hear</u><br />
<ul>
<li> <a href="http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/signs-of-depression-in-mlc.html" target="_blank">Signs of Depression in MLC</a></li>
</ul>
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-50757854614374425452013-07-16T07:12:00.000-04:002013-07-16T07:12:04.382-04:00Signs of Depression in MLC<br />
#1: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS WILL OFTEN VIEW THEIR LEFT-BEHIND SPOUSE AND THEMSELVES AS ONE PERSON<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis’ lack of boundaries comes from not viewing his
spouse as separate from himself. He is so engulfed in negativity that he
does not think clearly. As the man in midlife crisis looks to his loved
ones to define and deliver his happiness, he eventually feels betrayed,
because happiness must come from inside oneself, not from others. This
feeling of betrayal may cause some of the anger we see in our men in
midlife crisis.<br />
<br />
#2: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE UNABLE TO SUSTAIN AND MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL AS RESOLVE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS.<br />
<br />
Because
of his irrational ways of thinking, mainly due to a chemical imbalance
in the brain, the man in midlife crisis will hear/interpret WHAT HE
THINKS others are saying rather than hearing what really is being said.
He destroys relationships by hearing blame rather than suggestions or
means to problem-solve.<br />
<br />
#3: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS HAVE DEPENDENT PERSONALITIES.<br />
<br />
We
are overly dependent on others when we do not feel complete or whole.
This is the very essence of a man in midlife crisis. As he continues
through the tunnel, the man in midlife crisis gets much worse before he
gets better. The left-behind spouse is often forced into a caregiver
role, trying desperately to fix the crisis. The man in midlife crisis
becomes aware of his neediness and becomes jealous/envious of his loved
ones’ strengths and efforts to help, and responds with more anger.<br />
<br />
#4: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE UNABLE TO SHOW EMOTIONAL SUPPORT<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis is unable to stand the emotional pain he is
creating. He becomes distant and indifferent to his loved ones. He views
the left-behind spouse as the cause of his suffering and therefore
treats her as the enemy.<br />
<br />
#5: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE EXTREME ATTENTION SEEKERS<br />
<br />
Attention,
both positive and negative, can confirm love and self-worth to the
mid-lifer. To some men in midlife crisis, negative attention becomes
better than no attention. Many have experienced "no attention" periods
in their childhoods. Many men in midlife crisis use drama, sinfulness
and confusion in an effort to get love. This then ensures the mid-lifer
of keeping the left-behind spouse close.<br />
<br />
#6: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE SELF-CENTERED<br />
<br />
It
is all about him. As he becomes more absorbed in finding himself,
everyone else in his past life gradually becomes more and more obsolete.
Most find their way back to what is really important - family and
commitment. Unfortunately, they leave a heavy path of destruction that
has to be faced.<br />
<br />
#7: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE UNABLE TO TRUST<br />
<br />
How
can the man in midlife crisis trust his left-behind spouse if he cannot
trust himself? His emotions and thought processes are unpredictable and
irrational. When he cannot trust, he often acts out in angry outbursts
and infidelity. He is searching for someone to see him as a perfect
hero.<br />
<br />
#8: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE UNABLE TO HANDLE STRESS<br />
<br />
As
the man in midlife crisis progresses through the tunnel, he becomes
more and more unable to handle stress. His life is now full of lies,
deceptions, betrayals and manipulations. It becomes harder and harder to
maintain his superficial world. When he is reminded of his inabilities
and flaws, he reacts by getting angry, blaming, spewing, etc...<br />
<br />
He
will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. If you
doubt this, try having a "relationship talk." You will no doubt be
disappointed in the outcome. Until he is ready to repent and show
remorse for his behavior, relationship talks are useless.<br />
<br />
#9: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS REWRITE HISTORY<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis typically has very low self-esteem. He will
rewrite past events in his favor to try to build up his fragile ego. He
would rather lie than face the possibility that something is wrong with
him, let alone a mental illness. His brain chemistry is skewed, not
allowing him to distinguish between reality and distorted perceptions.
However, the distortions cannot go on forever. ... As time goes on, he
often gets caught in his lies because he cannot keep his stories
straight.<br />
<br />
#10: MOST MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS HAVE AFFAIRS<br />
<br />
The
most painful and devastating part of the midlife crisis for the
left-behind spouse, children and family is the affair or series of
affairs. Emotional affairs as well as physical affairs occur, and most
emotional affairs turn into physical affairs for the mid-lifer. Some of
the affairs produce a "love child.” Some result in the mid-lifer
marrying the other woman. Even though the mid-lifer is not thinking
clearly, there is no justification or excuse for committing adultery.
This is by no means meant to excuse his behavior. It is unacceptable.
Forgiveness depends upon the abandoned spouse and the mid-lifer’s
ability to repent and show sincere remorse.<br />
<br />
An affair
allows the mid-lifer a distraction from the pain resulting from one or
more of the following issues: childhood abandonment/abuse, grief, aging,
health, job loss or dissatisfaction, parenting, sexual dysfunction or
financial difficulties. The man in midlife crisis feels if he starts
over with someone else, all his issues will go away. Little does he
realize how much he has just complicated his life, not to mention all
the pain he will inflict on "loved ones" and friends. He is
self-absorbed and only cares about trying to obtain his own happiness.<br />
<br />
The
other woman knows little or nothing of his history or flaws. The
mid-lifer feeds the other woman rewritten history about his spouse. She
starts the relationship by idealizing the mid-lifer. The mid-lifer can
portray himself as heroic, perfect and accomplished. Both individuals
are living a fantasy. Each believes they have found their soul mate. A
new relationship and sex partner is empowering. Morality is no longer
important. Lust equals love in the MLC mind.<br />
<br />
The other
woman is an extremely flawed individual. She has many issues as well,
some identical to the mid-lifer’s, which helps create the connection so
many men in midlife crisis claim they are missing with their left-behind
spouse. The man in midlife crisis chooses someone who is safe. He
chooses someone who will not outshine him or pose a threat. The other
woman is usually a very insecure, fragile individual who needs to be
taken care of in some way, shape or form. In many cases, the mid-lifer
tries to create in the other woman a version of spouse he abandoned.
Some encourage her to dress and act like the left-behind spouse. They
will often take them to the same places as they did the left-behind
spouse. Being of weak character and integrity, the other woman allows
this and goes along for the ride. Many are in it for the financial and
social status benefits that the mid-lifer brings to the table. The
mid-lifer is usually not looking to find someone better than his spouse.
He wants to find someone that he can feel superior to, which will help
nurture his bruised ego.<br />
<br />
Eventually, chemical
imbalances, stress, and doses of reality hit the mid-lifer, causing him
to display his true self. Fears resurface in the mid-lifer,
materializing as anger and hostility. The other woman no longer reflects
back to the mid-lifer intense feelings of admiration and perfection.
Sex becomes routine. Many experience sexual dysfunction during the MLC,
but very much want to portray themselves as sexually potent individuals.
Responsibilities increase for the mid-lifer, especially if he is
maintaining two households. His world collapses very slowly, almost to
the point of being hard to detect for the left-behind spouse. The
mid-lifer has come full circle. He is now at the same place he started.
What the mid-lifer does at this point varies. Some go home after they
realize the grass is not greener on the other side, others stay in this
miserable state of self-pity and despair, and others just repeat the
cycle and find another other woman.<br />
<br />
#11: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE CONTROL FREAKS<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis has no control over his behavior and actions. He
feels if he can control others as well as his environment, he will
eventually become whole again. This of course is not true. In fact, it
usually has the opposite effect. The more controlling one is with
others, the more we push him away.<br />
<br />
How does the
mid-lifer control others? By being verbally/physically abusive,
manipulating, complaining, criticizing, blaming, saying things like "I
want a divorce,” "I don’t love you,” having an affair, threatening to
take your children away, threatening your living arrangements,
threatening your financial status, losing his job, threatening suicide,
etc.<br />
<br />
How does the mid-lifer control his environment?
Moving constantly, traveling more than usual, changing jobs, changing
what he eats/how he dresses/his overall appearance/what he drives,
changing his friends, replacing his spouse, replacing his children, etc.<br />
<br />
It
is only when the mid-lifer realizes that he is not in ultimate control
of others or things that a breakthrough can occur. That is why setting
boundaries is important. It makes the mid-lifer realize his limitations
and lack of control. Boundaries should be set in a firm but loving way.
The man in midlife crisis is more willing to respond to the left-behind
spouse’s requests when this is done in a non-authoritative way.<br />
<br />
#12: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS HAVE EXTREME ANGER/RAGING/SPEWING<br />
<br />
Mid-life
crisis is a form of depression. Depression is anger turned inward.
Unfortunately, anger is a large part of the MLC journey. Anger is the
path of least resistance. It is easier for the mid-lifer to be angry
than to deal with his issues. Until that pain is acknowledged and
experienced, it continues to trigger anger and depression.<br />
<br />
Beneath
anger lies pain, and beneath that pain lies fear. If we remember this,
we are more likely to become more sympathetic to the man in his midlife
crisis journey. Unfortunately at times, it is very difficult to do. The
bulk of his anger is directed at the left-behind spouse. The man in
midlife crisis very much wants to alter his spouse’s perceptions to
match his own.<br />
<br />
#13: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE INDIFFERENT<br />
<br />
Indifferent
is defined as "without interest or concern, not caring, disinterested,
impartial and apathetic.” Nothing is harder to live with than an
indifferent person. The man in midlife crisis is indifferent primarily
toward his past life. He is no longer interested in what his spouse,
children, relatives, dog, cat, best friend or church group are doing. He
could care less about the lawn being cut, the dishes being done or the
bills being paid. His past life no longer exists. He becomes an "alien"
to the people who love him. There are many reasons why this happens. The
man in midlife crisis is self-absorbed and doesn’t want to focus on
anyone but himself. The man in midlife crisis no longer wants any
responsibility in his life and just wants to have fun and freedom.
People and things of the past remind the mid-lifer of his failures. What
better way to not have to deal with his pain then to pretend people and
things don't exist anymore?<br />
<br />
This indifference creates a
whole new set of problems for the left-behind spouse. She now has the
responsibilities of two people. The left-behind spouse becomes
overworked and overwhelmed, not to mention emotionally devastated. Many
times she becomes financially devastated as well. The mid-lifer does not
seem to notice the turmoil he has caused his spouse and is again
indifferent.<br />
<br />
#14: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS CAN BE NARCISSISTIC<br />
<br />
The
mid-lifer is full of low self-worth. By focusing on his appearance, his
possessions, and his needs, he tries to project an air of importance
and perfection. He seeks attention by focusing on superficial things and
soon discovers that these things bring only fleeting moments of
happiness. No matter how many times you remind the mid-lifer that
happiness comes from within, he tries to prove you wrong by buying the
next item or enhancing another body part. Everything is about the
mid-lifer. Everybody else's needs don't exist.<br />
<br />
#15: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS MAKE POOR DECISIONS<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis bases his decisions on emotions as well as faulty
perceptions due to chemical imbalances in the brain. This prevents him
from functioning properly in important areas of his life like the
workplace and home. As he makes his way through the midlife tunnel, he
makes more and more poor decisions, eventually causing him to doubt his
abilities. This is just another hit on his already low self-esteem.<br />
<br />
This
is where the role of the other woman comes into play. The man in
midlife crisis often will give up some of his decision-making power at
this point and depend on his "soul mate" to intervene. The other woman
may or may not have clearer thinking at this time, but you can bet her
thinking will be in HER favor. The mid-lifer is much easier to convince,
manipulate and persuade than ever. Since this is not a relationship
based on trust and love, each player in this dysfunctional relationship
is out for himself/herself. The man in midlife crisis also will often
choose not to make any decisions due to his confusion.<br />
<br />
#16: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE POOR MONEY MANAGERS<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis has no control over what he does with his money.
He tends to be very impulsive and often spends like crazy and makes bad
investments. He also uses his money to satisfy and impress the other
woman in his life as well as newfound friends. Traveling seems to
increase. Credit cards are often used to their limit and he has no
awareness of the consequences of his debt. His past financial
responsibilities, such as bills and supporting his left-behind spouse
and children, are put on hold. This is no longer important to him and he
seems oblivious to how he affects others. It is important that the
left-behind spouse protects herself financially at this time, and
sometimes that means resorting to legal assistance to prevent
involvement with collection agencies and bankruptcy. Spending serves as a
distraction as well as a feeling of power and control to the mid-lifer.
Money makes him feel immortal and special. This feeling slowly
dissipates as he faces his pain and debt.<br />
<br />
#17: MOST MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE ABUSIVE<br />
<br />
Emotional abuse is is more prevalent than physical abuse during the MLC journey and can be divided into various categories:<br />
<br />
A.
Withholding: By withholding love, affection, accolades, sex, children,
communication, etc., the mid-lifer is saying, “I have something you want
and I can withhold it from you.” The mid-lifer can take this even a
step further by withholding love and affection from you and then giving
it to someone else.<br />
<br />
B. Discounting: By discounting the
left-behind spouse's perceptions, the mid-lifer is saying, “I can point
out your uselessness.”<br />
<br />
C. Accusing and blaming: By
blaming the left-behind spouse, the mid-lifer is saying his spouse is to
blame for his pain regardless of what he does to you, so he doesn’t
have to stop or be accountable.<br />
<br />
D. Judging and
criticizing: By judging the left-behind spouse, the mid-lifer is saying
to his wife, “When I tell you that something is wrong with your thoughts
and actions, I put myself in charge of you.”<br />
<br />
E.
Threatening: This a way for the mid-lifer to have control over his
spouse, to imply that he will take away something valuable to them, such
as family life, financial stability, home, etc.<br />
<br />
F. Name Calling: By calling names, the mid-lifer is saying to his wife that she is worthless and doesn’t exist.<br />
<br />
G.
Denial: By denying what he is doing to you, the mid-lifer can keep
everything like it is and not take any responsibility for his behavior.<br />
<br />
H. Abusive anger: By being extremely angry and raging, the mid-lifer is saying, “As long as I am scary, I can have my way.”<br />
<br />
The
most common element of the categories of abuse is control. The
mid-lifer avoids his feelings of insecurity and powerlessness by
controlling his wife. If the mid-lifer does not have anyone to have
power over, he doesn’t have any power. He often connects with someone
who is easier to control and who won't resist his need to dominate. It
is in debate if a mid-lifer behaves this way intentionally. I think it
can vary with the mid-lifer. Some do not seem to have awareness that
they are hurting others. Most men in midlife crisis seem to be totally
out of character and are labeled "aliens" by their Standers (waiting
spouses). The thing that is very confusing to the Stander is that often
men in midlife crisis can control these behaviors in front of others,
but seem to let loose when alone with the Stander.<br />
<br />
#18: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS MAY ABUSE ALCOHOL AND DRUGS<br />
<br />
Another
escape from reality is the use/abuse of alcohol and drugs. Those who
never used on a regular basis may start experimenting with various
substances. Those who routinely used may increase their usage of alcohol
or drugs or both. Substance abuse may deepen MLC depression, causing
more pain and problems. Misery loves company, and many times the
mid-lifer will choose to associate with people who also resort to
alcohol and drug abuse.<br />
<br />
#19: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS CAN EXPERIENCE SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION<br />
<br />
Hormonal
changes cause the physical symptoms of menopause in women (irregular
periods, decreased fertility, etc.). Hormonal changes cause the physical
symptoms of andropause in men (decreased bone density, hair loss,
etc.). Hormonal changes in both men and women can cause emotional
problems such as depression.<br />
<br />
Men can go through what is
called andropause, or male menopause. Andropause is characterized by a
loss of testosterone. This affects some men more than others. Both males
and females experience similar symptoms during this time: irritability,
loss of libido in women and erection problems in men, sleep
disturbances, mood swings and depression. MLC involves hormonal,
psychological, interpersonal, social, sexual and spiritual components.<br />
<br />
#20: SOME MID-LIFERS EXHIBIT JEALOUSY<br />
<br />
Men
in midlife crisis exhibit jealousy as a method of control. Many have
fears of abandonment and loss. The man in midlife crisis shows jealousy
because of his feelings of emptiness. Deep down he is terrified of
losing his loved ones but feels it may be inevitable. The man in midlife
crisis senses that he will no longer feel needy if he can only control
his spouse.<br />
<br />
#21: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE FULL OF SELF-PITY<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis hates himself. He may or may not show this to his
wife, but that is what is brewing underneath all his horrible behavior.
Often, childhood issues come to the surface and feelings of rejection
and abandonment prevail. Because of his self-hate and low self esteem,
he has difficulty accepting that his wife cares for him. Some men in
midlife crisis will express this by statements such as, "You cannot love
me like I need to be loved,” "Why don't you date other people,” "The
kids would be better off with a different father,” “Why don’t you hate
me,” etc..... He is so involved with his pity party that nothing else
matters to him.<br />
<br />
#22: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS DON'T WANT ANY RESPONSIBILITY<br />
<br />
Before
his crisis, the man in midlife crisis was a very responsible,
productive member of his home and work environment. Not anymore. Life is
a party and he wants to have fun. Many men in midlife crisis lose their
jobs, stop working around the house, ignore their children, don't pay
their bills, spend foolishly, the list goes on and on. He actually feels
that this is the time for him to get everything HE wants out of life
and other people need to take care of their own responsibilities.
Chemical imbalances cause him to lose focus and control of himself. The
left-behind spouse is forced to take on all his responsibilities as well
as her own. This is usually not acknowledged by the mid-lifer or
appreciated. In fact, he will use this as an opportunity to criticize or
cut down his spouse's way of handling things. This gives him the
opportunity to disconnect even more from his wife and family. It is only
when his world starts falling apart that he realizes how irresponsible
he has been in his work and home environments. Guilty feelings will then
set in and eventually be processed by the mid-lifer in later stages.<br />
<br />
#23: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE VERY SENSITIVE TO CRITICISM<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis has an intense need to be respected and admired.
He is overly sensitive to any suggestions, comments, helpful remarks and
criticisms. Any comments even remotely critical are perceived as
attacks on his already low self-esteem. The man in midlife crisis will
take these "perceived attacks" and deflect them by finding fault in his
spouse. Usually these acts of finding fault are either non-existent or
exaggerated remarks or incidents.<br />
<br />
#24: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS USE PROJECTION AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM<br />
<br />
Psychological
projection is a defense mechanism in which one attributes one's own
unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and actions to others. Projection
reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted subconscious
impulses/desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them.<br />
<br />
#25: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS CREATE CONFLICT/ARGUMENTS WITH LOVED ONES<br />
<br />
The
man in midlife crisis creates conflict/arguments with his wife in order
to have her respond in a negative way. When the wife responds in a
negative way, i.e. anger, crying, panic, criticism, rejection, etc.,
this enables the mid-lifer to attach blame to wife's normal defensive
reactions. This also enables the mid-lifer to justify his horrible
behavior to himself and others. For example, my ex started an argument
with me one day on the way back from the grocery store. He said I should
have been spending time with him alone instead of shopping for food for
the kids. I told him how silly he was behaving and became angry. By the
time we got home, he was so upset at my "insensitivity to his needs"
that he left the house for that day and spent his time with the other
woman. Not only was this a way for him to make me look bad, but it was
also a way for him to justify being with his "soulmate".<br />
<br />
#26: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE IN DENIAL<br />
<br />
Along
with projection, denial is another major defense mechanism that
mid-lifers use. Denial is the psychological process by which human
beings protect themselves from things which threaten them by blocking
knowledge of those things from their awareness. It is a defense that
distorts reality; it keeps us from feeling the pain and uncomfortable
truth about things we do not want to face. If we cannot feel or see the
consequences of our actions, then everything is fine and we can continue
to live without making any changes.<br />
<br />
When the man in
midlife crisis is feeling bad, he will often associate these painful
feelings with his wife instead of taking responsibility for his own
actions. Getting rid of his wife seems to be the only way to escape.
Denial can become increasingly worse as the mid-lifer continues on his
journey. His list of bad behavior and deeds becomes so long that there
is no better place to be than the world of denial. The mid-lifer becomes
unrecognizable to his loved ones until various circumstances force him
to examine the hell he has created. These circumstances may involve
excessive debt, unwanted pregnancy, loss of job, fractured family,
divorce, drug and alcohol abuse, loss of friends, homelessness, etc.<br />
<br />
#27: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS BECOME VERY COMPETITIVE WITH LOVED ONES<br />
<br />
When
a man is in midlife crisis, his wife becomes the enemy. The man in
midlife crisis is constantly comparing his loved ones to himself. Many
times he falls short, and this leads to further insecurity and
self-doubt. During his journey, he is out to prove that he is important
and admired and becomes very competitive. He will withhold compliments
toward family members at this time. He begins to bring people into his
life that will make him feel good about himself. Usually this means
choosing people who are less accomplished and lower in character in
order to make him feel better about himself.<br />
<br />
#28: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS HAVE MAJOR MOOD SWINGS<br />
<br />
Family
members who witness this depression sign often feel like they are going
insane. The frequency of the mood swings with mid-lifers varies. Some
experience rapid cycling, others much slower. Loved ones describe their
mid-lifers as having Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personalities. They begin to
feel like they are walking on eggshells. The littlest thing can set the
mid-lifer into a rage or period of depression. Some family members may
feel their mid-lifer is on drugs. These mood swings may or may not
affect the work environment. Some mid-lifers are better at controlling
what they let others see. This can leave the left-behind spouse feeling
responsible for the mood swings and her world may begin to fill with
self-doubt.<br />
<br />
#29: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ARE MANIPULATIVE<br />
<br />
People
become manipulative when they are afraid of losing something of value
to them. This can range from fear of losing an actual person or losing a
perception that someone has of them. The mid-lifer manipulates loved
ones into believing his reality, which at times can be very distorted
due to chemical imbalances in the brain, guilt, shame, denial,
self-centeredness, etc. He may twist words around, create confusion,
drama, rewrite history, lie. Unfortunately the mid-lifer’s use of
manipulation usually ends up pushing people away from him.<br />
<br />
#30: MEN IN MIDLIFE CRISIS HAVE WITHDRAWING/ABANDONING BEHAVIORS<br />
<br />
Another
very painful characteristic of the midlife journey is when he
abandons/withdraws from loved ones. This varies with each mid-lifer and
changes with each stage. It can range from emotionally withdrawing to
physically abandoning his entire family. Many are simply just imitating a
part of their childhood when they experienced some form of abandonment
or abuse. Many use it as a form of control and power. To some, it is
easier to run than face their demons, so they hide to get away from
things and people that remind them of their pain or failures. Regardless
of the reason, these behaviors leave loved ones shocked and confused.
The mid-lifer is oblivious to the pain and suffering he is causing. Many
left-behind spouses lose homes, self-esteem and/or children due to the
abandonment.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-11275459109058882302013-07-16T07:09:00.001-04:002013-07-16T07:09:34.566-04:00Information on bipolar disorder from Wikipedia and Health Central.<br />
<b>DSM IV Criteria for Bipolar Disorder</b><br />
<br />
Manic episodes are characterized by:<br />
<br />
A
distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or
irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if
hospitalization is necessary).<br />
<br />
During the period of
mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have
persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a
significant degree:<br />
<ul>
<li>Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep).</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by
others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed
down).</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant/irrelevant external stimuli).</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Increase in goal-directed activity (socially, at work or sexually) or psychomotor agitation.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high
potential for painful consequences (overspending, sexual indiscretions
or foolish business investments)</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked
impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or
relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent
harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a
substance (e.g., drug abuse, medication or other treatment) or a general
medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism).</li>
</ul>
<br />
Hypomanic episodes are characterized by:<br />
<ul>
<li>A distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable
mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from
the usual non-depressed mood.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the
symptoms listed above have persisted (four if the mood is only
irritable) and have been present to a significant degree. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in
social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization,
and there are no psychotic features.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>Impaired awareness of illness</b><br />
<br />
Approximately
40% of individuals with bipolar disorder do not believe they are sick,
and that what they think and feel is real. Impaired awareness of
illness, or anosognosia is the single largest reason why individuals
with bipolar disorder do not take their medications. It is caused by
damage to specific parts of the brain, especially the right hemisphere.
When taking medications, awareness of illness improves.<br />
<br />
Denial
is a psychological mechanism. Impaired awareness of illness, on the
other hand, has a biological basis and is caused by damage to the brain,
especially the right brain hemisphere. The specific brain areas which
appear to be most involved are the frontal lobe and part of the parietal
lobe. Some individuals’ awareness of their illness fluctuates over
time, being more aware when they are in remission but losing the
awareness when they relapse. Awareness improves amongst those who take
medication.<br />
<br />
People resist accepting a diagnosis of
mental illness because of denial, a common first reaction; because they
are grieving the loss of their dreams; because it means accepting the
need for long-term treatment; as a means of preserving self-esteem, and
because of delusional thinking, poor judgment or poor reality testing.
They resist taking medication because it means admitting that they have
a mental illness, because they do not want to relinquish control, and
because many manics prefer their unmedicated high-energy state to a
lower-energy medicated one.<br />
<br />
<b>Manic episodes</b><br />
<br />
Mania
is the defining feature of bipolar disorder. Mania is a distinct period
of elevated or irritable mood, which can take the form of euphoria, and
lasts for at least a week (less if hospitalization is required). People
with mania commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased
need for sleep, with many often getting as little as three or four hours
of sleep per night. Some can go days without sleeping. A manic person
may exhibit pressured speech, with thoughts experienced as racing. They
laugh and smile without cause. Attention span is low, and a person in a
manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may be impaired, and
sufferers may go on spending sprees, engage in risky behavior that is
not normal for them, and make decisions lacking insight. They may
indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants,
cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills. Their behavior may
become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. They may feel out of
control or unstoppable, or as if they have been "chosen" and are "on a
special mission," or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual
drive may increase.<br />
<br />
Dysphoric mania, or mixed mania, is
the combination of mania and agitated depression. A person with this
mood swing is agitated, uncomfortable, irritated, depressed, pessimistic
and filled with negative energy. They don't sleep well, if at all, and
ultimately their behaviors are destructive and sometimes life
threatening.<br />
<br />
False euphoria is the beginning stage of
true bipolar disorder. Behavior is similar to that seen with drug use, a
cocaine-like high. People with euphoric mania say they feel
great/wonderful/beautiful/fantastic, but make many mistakes such as
recklessly spending too much money, having sex with anyone who looks
appealing, sleeping a lot less and not getting tired and ultimately
making very poor life decisions. It's common for people with full-blown
euphoric mania to stay up for weeks, start very risky businesses or
simply pick up and leave their current life. Euphoric mania can be very
cruel and selfish as the emphasis is strictly on the person with
bipolar. The person can be extremely reckless and unable to judge the
safety or effect of their behaviors. There will be rapid and sometimes
violent mood swings, rage alternating with maniacal laughter. This type
of mania can lead to a lot of drug and alcohol use as the person feels
so good they lose perspective on the amount they consume. Euphoric mania
always starts out feeling great, but ultimately the person comes down
and often sees a path of destruction that is hard to clean up. Bipolar
patients have difficulty seeing that their behavior is out of line in an
acute manic episode. The massive high, which seems abnormal to us,
seems normal to them, and there is an unfortunate tendency to self
medicate.<br />
<br />
At more extreme levels, up to 70% of people
in a manic state and 50% of all individuals with bipolar disorder
experience psychosis, or a break with reality, along with loss of
ability to reason. Of this 70%, over half are euphoric psychotic manias,
which are particularly difficult to diagnose as they can be so
appealing and fun to the people around the manic person. Manic behavior
attracts people who want to join in on the ride. Left unmedicated,
people experiencing bipolar psychosis will resist treatment, as they are
convinced nothing is wrong with them, they are sure of their reasoning
and enjoy the high. Three-quarters of manic episodes involve delusions
wherein the person truly believes in ideas beyond reason or logic. This
can occasionally lead to violent behaviors. Some people in a manic state
experience severe anxiety and are irritable to the point of rage, while
others are euphoric and grandiose. The severity of manic symptoms can
be measured by rating scales such as the Altman Self-Rating Mania Scale
and clinician-based Young Mania Rating Scale.<br />
<br />
<b>During
a manic episode, the person's behavior feels "right," obvious and makes
very clear sense, even if it makes no sense to those around the patient
or is extremely risky.</b> After the manic episode has run its course,
it may be possible for the patient to see how unrealistic, unreal and
out-of-touch with reality they were, but this isn't possible during a
manic episode.<br />
<br />
The onset of a manic episode is often
foreshadowed by sleep disturbances. Mood changes, psychomotor and
appetite changes, and an increase in anxiety can also occur up to three
weeks before a manic episode develops.<br />
<br />
<b>Genetic causes</b><br />
<br />
A
review seeking to identify the more consistent findings suggested
several genes related to serotonin (SLC6A4 and TPH2), dopamine (DRD4 and
SLC6A3), glutamate (DAOA and DTNBP1), and cell growth and/or
maintenance pathways (NRG1, DISC1 and BDNF), although noting a high risk
of false positives in the published literature. It was also suggested
that individual genes are likely to have only a small effect and to be
involved in some aspect related to the disorder (and a broad range of
"normal" human behavior) rather than the disorder per se.<br />
<br />
Functional
MRI findings suggest that abnormal modulation between ventral
prefrontal and limbic regions (amygdala) likely contribute to poor
emotional regulation and mood symptoms.<br />
<br />
The
neurotransmitter associated with psychosis is dopamine. Antipsychotics
that work on the dopamine system effectively decrease psychotic
symptoms. Most researchers believe other neurotransmitters are involved
as well: serotonin and norepinephrine are also closely linked to
bipolar disorder.<br />
<br />
There are structural differences in
the brains of people who experience psychosis. There can be a chronic
shut down of the frontal lobes and there is a particular part of the
limbic system called the septal area where the dopamine system is
especially hyperactive. Antipsychotic medications work by blocking
dopamine in this area. The limbic system, the emotional part of the
brain, is also central to the causes and ultimately treatment of bipolar
psychosis.<br />
<br />
Average age of onset of bipolar disorder is
21; first manifestations are common between the ages of 20-24. Many
start feeling depressed between the ages of 15-25. Symptoms in
teenagers focus on lack of judgment and risky behavior: drunk driving,
substance abuse. The younger the age of onset of bipolar disorder, the
more likely it is to find a significant family history of bipolar,
depression and/or dementia. In 10% of bipolar cases, a manic episode
occurred around age 50. As an individual ages, s/he may develop
new-onset mania associated with vascular changes, or become manic only
after recurrent depressive episodes. In the elderly, recognition and
treatment of bipolar disorder may be complicated by the presence of
dementia or the side effects of medications being taken for other
conditions.<br />
<br />
The vast majority of patients with bipolar
disorder have multiple recurrences (Keller et al, 1993), and it is very
rare for patients to have a single episode of hypomania or depression in
bipolar disorder over a lifetime. The length of symptom-free intervals
often decreases with age.<br />
<br />
Untreated bipolar disorder is
commonly associated with substance use, abuse and dependence (Tohen et
al, 1995); school and work failure; interpersonal dysfunction and
relationship breakdown. Personality dysfunction could be the result of a
turbulent clinical course at crucial stages of development. The
lifetime risk of suicide is 10-20% (Tsuang et al, 1978) compared with a
suicide risk of 0.01% for the general population; and there is an
increased risk of violence and homicide, especially with poorly
controlled psychotic bipolar disorder.<br />
<br />
Studies have
shown a link between bipolar disorder and Tourette’s syndrome, between
bipolar disorder and autoimmune thyroid disease, between bipolar and
heart disease, and between autoimmune diseases and schizophrenia.<br />
<br />
<b>Prevention</b><br />
<br />
There
is some debate about a causal relationship between the use of cannabis
and bipolar disorder. Substance abuse may predate the appearance of
bipolar symptoms.<br />
<br />
Caffeine can significantly increase
anxiety; it should be limited to 250 mg/day (two cups of coffee or one
cup of coffee and one caffeinated soda).<br />
<br />
Prevention of
bipolar has focused on stress which, although not a diagnostically
specific causal agent for bipolar, does place genetically and
biologically vulnerable individuals at risk for a more pernicious course
of illness. Common triggers include alcohol abuse, drug abuse, a
stressful work environment, travel across time zones.<br />
<br />
<b>Treatment</b><br />
<br />
Hospitalization may be required especially with the manic episodes present in bipolar I. This can be voluntary or involuntary.<br />
<br />
Psychotherapy
is aimed at alleviating core symptoms, recognizing episode triggers,
reducing negative expressed emotion in relationships, recognizing early
symptoms before full-blown recurrence, and helping the patient maintain
remission. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and family-focused therapy are
the most effective in preventing relapses, while interpersonal and
cognitive-behavioral therapy effectively reduce residual depressive
symptoms. Treatment during the acute phase can be a particular
challenge.<br />
<br />
Mood stabilizers reverse manic or depressive
episodes and prevent relapses. The “gold standard” mood stabilizer is
lithium, which is effective in treating acute manic depressive episodes
and preventing relapses. Treatment with lithium carbonate has been
strongly linked to a reduced risk of suicide, self-harm, and death in
people with bipolar disorder. Lamotrigine has been shown to have some
efficacy in treating bipolar depression, and this benefit is greatest in
more severe depression. In both acute and long-term treatment, the
combination of lithium carbonate (Eskalith), lamotrigine (Lamictal) and
aripiprazole (Abilify) is used. New treatments include Repetitive
Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (rTMS), which places electromagnets
next to the frontal part of the skull to change underlying brain
activity and alter mood.<br />
<br />
<b>Bipolar in the family and the workplace</b><br />
<br />
Mood
disorders affect not only the bipolar individual, but also his spouse,
family, friends and co-workers. The root cause of all these impacts is
the degraded ability the victim has to "perform" in these different
areas of his/her life. Thus a seriously depressed person will become
morose, incommunicative, withdrawn, and unable to participate actively
in what is going on. In the depressed phase, family members and friends
have to compensate for the loss of social contributions that would be
expected of him in the normal family setting. In the manic phase, the
individual argues, spends irresponsibly, ignores commitments and breaks
agreements unilaterally.<br />
<br />
It is impossible even to
estimate the amount of emotional pain, stress and loss family members
experience in trying to deal with, and ultimately to help, a mentally
ill person in the household. In many cases, their lives are seriously
disrupted, becoming a kind of living hell. Family members are confused
and alienated by a person not acting like himself, becoming a person
they don’t know and can’t communicate with. Unpredictable moods leave
family members feeling like they’re on an out-of-control roller coaster.
Perhaps nothing is more awful than to see someone you love severely
degraded by an illness you don't fully understand, to do everything you
can think of to help, and have none of it work.<br />
<br />
There
is no cure for bipolar disorder and so the bipolar medication must be
taken for life. Finding the right combination of medication may take as
long as several years, and over time they may stop working. For family
caregivers, coping with someone who is bipolar, manic or depressed,
takes a heavy emotional toll and strains the relationship, often to the
breaking point.<br />
<br />
How can family members help? Get
educated, so you have realistic expectations and coping options. Learn
about the illness, its symptoms and early warning signs; learn about
treatment and side effects. Make it a family matter: acknowledge that
the illness affects everyone in the family. Help find clinicians,
schedule appointments, keep track of medication, report changes in
behavior to the doctor. Let your family member know you are concerned
and want to work with him to get well. Take care of yourself. Find
support. Prepare for ups and downs. Have hope. On the other hand,
refuse to take abuse from your loved one. This is not your fault. Don’t
accept anger and blame.<br />
<br />
At work, degraded performance
shades into incapacity. In a depressive phase, the individual may begin
to be routinely late for work, be unable to make decisions or handle the
workload on the job, and eventually will be perceived as an
unsatisfactory employee. In mania, the individual will make quick but
bad decisions based on little or no knowledge or data, will take serious
risks with business assets, become insubordinate or otherwise disrupt
the normal chain of command, and will be perceived as unreliable, though
energetic, and therefore an unacceptable risk. In a manic phase,
bipolar sufferers are particularly resistant to seeking treatment.<br />
<br />
The
loss of a permanent, well-paying job is one of the worst things that
can happen to someone with mental illness. First, it means direct loss
of income, perhaps the main source of income in the family. Second, it
may mean loss of medical insurance, which may be badly needed in the
weeks and months ahead. Third, it means an unsatisfactory performance
rating in one's personnel file, which may come back to haunt the victim
again and again as he/she tries to find further employment. Fourth, it
is a serious blow to the self-esteem of a depressive, whereas a manic
may not even consider the loss worth notice. These difficulties are all
magnified and accelerated if the victim is the principal wage-earner for
a family. In such cases, the role and value of the bipolar individual
as an effective spouse or parent erodes quickly, and a separation or
divorce often ensues.<br />
<br />
People with bipolar disorder are
at much higher risk for suicide. Don’t be afraid to ask, "Are you
having thoughts of hurting yourself?" and listen for messages of
desperation. Depressed people sometimes develop a higher risk for
hurting themselves as they begin to get better and their energy level
and ability to act improve. Patients having mixed symptoms - depressed
mood and agitated, restless, hyperactive behavior - may also be at
higher risk for self-harm. Substance abuse, particularly alcohol abuse,
increases the risk of self-harm.<br />
<br />
The hardest lesson is
that there is no way that anyone can force a person to take
responsibility for his illness and treatment. Unless the patient makes
the commitment to do so, no amount of love, support, understanding, even
threatening, can make someone take this step. It is normal to feel
guilty and angry about not being able to get your loved one to seek
treatment.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-27445085469665808042013-07-16T07:06:00.002-04:002013-07-16T07:06:09.618-04:00Selection from Carver, Joseph, PhD. “Depression: Causes, Symptoms and Treatment.”<br />
<br />
<b>Causes of Depression</b><br />
<br />
<u>Sudden Severe Loss</u><br />
In
this situation, the individual has experienced a sudden, perhaps
surprising severe loss. This loss may be the death of a loved one, loss
of a job, loss of friendship, or other grief process. In this type of
depression, the patient can clearly identify what is creating the
depressed mood.<br />
<br />
<u>Long-term High Stress Level</u><br />
In
this situation, the patient is depressed but can't quite put their
finger on the cause, the "I'm depressed but I don't know why" condition.
Imagine running a video tape of your life, reviewing the past 18
months. Look at the stress you've been under, the amount of
responsibility, the number of pressures, and the number of hassles. In
actual clinical practice, this cause of depression is seen more often
than sudden loss. This type of depression creeps up on you. When this
type of depression is experienced, the patient offers comments such as:
"I don't know what's wrong!" "I don't know how I feel." "My feelings are
numb."<br />
<br />
<b>Brain Chemistry and Depression</b><br />
<br />
During
long-term high stress, the brain burns its oil, serotonin, at a higher
rate. The bottom line in depression and stress: The brain burns up more
serotonin than it can replace! In the end, after many months of severe
stress, the brain is using serotonin faster than it can create/replace
it. Your neurochemical level of serotonin drops and you become
depressed.<br />
<br />
You'll know your serotonin level is low (and depression is here) by the following symptoms:<br />
<br />
1.
Most depressed folks experience early morning awakening, usually around
4:00 am. Serotonin, you see, controls our sleep cycle.<br />
<br />
2.
Concentration and attention will drop. Depressed children/students will
experience a drop in grades. You'll start putting odd things in the
refrigerator (a bowling ball is the office record!), forget why you went
to the grocery, and become very forgetful and scatterbrained at
work/home.<br />
<br />
3. You'll lose physical energy. You can
sleep for ten hours and you'll still be bone tired. You will cry at the
drop of a hat - driving down the highway, doing dishes, sitting at work,
etc.<br />
<br />
4. Sexual interest, appetite, and general
interest will rapidly drop. You will stop answering the phone, stop
visiting friends/relatives, and pull the blinds.<br />
<br />
5.
Most dangerous - your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at
what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their
doctor "I can't get my mind to stop!" The minute you wake up in the
morning - it will start up. Your brain will then turn against you. It
will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find -
abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. - anything to make you feel
bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.<br />
<br />
6.
As your mind speed picks up, the "garbage truck" will arrive. While the
brain is already torturing you with the past, it will create/invent new
ideas/thoughts to torture you. In every case of depression, if the
depression stays long enough, you will receive the same "garbage"
thoughts from your mind.<br />
<br />
You will be told:<br />
- you are a burden to your family/friends<br />
- you have failed/disappointed your family<br />
- no one really cares about you<br />
- your children would be better raised by someone else<br />
- your family would be better off without you<br />
- your spouse would be better off without you<br />
- you are going crazy and there's no hope<br />
- it would be better if you weren't around<br />
- you would be better off dead<br />
- you should probably kill yourself<br />
<br />
If
you're depressed then you already know about the garbage truck. It's
almost impossible to explain this part and the excessive mind speed to
someone who has never been seriously depressed. If your depression goes
untreated, this constant "garbage" will totally destroy your
self-confidence. Try as you may, you will be unable to control this part
of depression.<br />
<br />
7. As part of the "garbage truck," your
mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be
flooded with thoughts of violence against yourself and others, you'll
think you are condemned by God, or you'll think you deserve this
condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you
seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.)
that you'll be committed to an institution forever.<br />
<br />
8.
When depressed, your brain begins running a mental "video tape" of your
worst experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played
daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. <b>Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.</b><br />
<br />
In
short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged
stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a
period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier
than you think.<br />
<br />
<u>Some General Thoughts:</u><br />
If
you are depressed, expect your brain to be filled with mental garbage -
get ready for it! During this time, do not take action on those garbage
thoughts and make no major changes in your life. It's best to wait
until the garbage truck leaves before making decisions that will or may
change your life.<br />
<br />
You may have other symptoms with your
depression, such as severe anxiety or agitation (pacing, no sleep at
all, "hyper", etc.). That only means another neurochemical has kicked
in. In these cases, a psychiatrist can best select the medication for
the combination of anxiety and depression.<br />
<br />
When you are
depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will
"bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice and
trying to be by your side. Be prepared for this.<br />
<br />
During
depression, remember that your brain goes on a bad-memory hunt, looking
for old memories to torture you. Be prepared to relive or re-feel old
hurts, old doubts, old guilt, and old sorrows. Be curious about what
memory files the brain selects rather than focus on those memories. You
can expect your brain to constantly replay the video tape (your "worst
hits" tape) of your life. You'll feel guilty for things you did as a
child, mistakes you made ten years ago, etc. You'll live in the past as
long as the depression remains. It may interest you to know that as the
serotonin level increases, the "past" returns to the past as a memory -
not a torture.<br />
<br />
In other depressed situations, people
become obsessed with other issues, almost always "the road not taken".
Often viewed as mid-life crisis, a straight-laced businessman now wants a
Harley and a tattoo while another individual begins suddenly thinking
about a past sweetheart. In almost all of these situations, the
individual acts totally out of character.<br />
<br />
All depressed
folks look for escapes. Common methods of trying to escape depression
are excessive alcohol use, drugs, sexual relationships, changing jobs,
etc. A lot of good marriages are lost during these times as the spouse
of the depressed partner hears "I've got to have space" or "I've got to
get away and find myself!" You'll find these escapes don't work. These
methods only complicate your depression and your recovery. Best bet -
don't make changes, just get to a professional.<br />
<br />
Depression
affects more than the individual with the depression - it's a
family-and-friends problem as well. If your spouse is depressed, he or
she may be constantly talking about the history of the marriage and
relationship. Remember, the "garbage truck" is running in their brain,
thinking of every bad thing that has been done, said, or not done. The
spouse that isn't depressed is frequently "dumped on" with hundreds of
accusations and thoughts that are long after-the-fact and totally beyond
correction at this point. The non-depressed spouse may suddenly learn
that their partner never did like their hairstyle, their mother, their
choice of automobile, or the price of the house. The non-depressed
spouse will hear many "thoughts" that were present at the time of
marital decisions, often years ago, but were never mentioned. The
non-depressed spouse may be awakened at night with accusations and
complaints that may last for hours. The non-depressed spouse will be
made to feel responsible for these unspoken wishes and will be helpless
as the depressed spouse lists mistakes and misunderstandings that have
taken place during the entire marriage/relationship. Even though they
might have been discussed at the time, the non-depressed spouse will
receive much blame for past events.<br />
<br />
If a friend is
depressed, they will suddenly have no interest in maintaining your
friendship. They'll stop calling, visiting, or writing. If your
depressed best friend suddenly gives you their most prized possession or
asks you to be included in their will to take care of their children -
be on the alert! Such behaviors are often part of a suicide plan in
which the depressed friend wants to "take care of business" before they
leave this earth. At that point, a heart-to-heart talk is needed,
perhaps offering to accompany them to a professional's office for help.
Many depressed individuals are brought to the office by their parents,
friends, or work supervisors.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-61733058016683199232013-07-16T07:04:00.000-04:002013-07-16T07:04:24.471-04:00Folk-Williams, John. “Why Depressed Men Leave, Part 3.”<br />
I’ve
written a lot about the form of depression in which men look outside
themselves to find the cause for an inner pain that simply can’t be
faced. They may feel anger, rage, a longing to act out fantasies, or a
compulsion to blame and abuse those closest to them. That side of
depression is the most aggressive and obviously damaging to
relationships of all kinds. In my experience, it is not only the phase
of severe depression that can cause a man to leave his partner -- an
emotional withdrawal can be just as destructive as a literal departure.<br />
<br />
In
looking back at what I’ve been through, I realize that I’ve lived at
various times in four different mind/feeling states over decades of
chronic depression. In the past, I have behaved differently as I felt in
turn each one. Each in its own way has threatened relationships of all
kinds, most vitally with my family but also with colleagues at work and
with many friends. Thinking of these separately is more helpful to me
than listing them as differing signs of one condition. They may well be
that, but describing them this way has spurred me to recognize more
quickly what I am starting to feel and do, and so take action to reverse
what is happening.<br />
<br />
Briefly, what I have felt in these different phases looks like this:<br />
<ul>
<li>angry, obsessive, blaming, looking outward for causes</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>empty, lacking all feeling and attachment</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>despairing to the point of suicidal thinking</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>apparently restored but convinced it’s only a temporary reprieve</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>Angry</b><br />
<br />
One is the aggressive
side of depression that has probably not yet come to full awareness
(“covert” in Terrence Real’s description). This is the mindset of
looking to external circumstances, often focusing on family, as causes
of inner hurt or emptiness. It leads to the destructive blame, rage,
sense of being trapped, longing to escape, etc. that I’ve written about
in several posts. Thinking can become fiercely obsessive and paranoid,
finding threats, malevolence, betrayal everywhere. The anger, even rage,
can explode at my family for little or no apparent reason. That is
immediately hurtful and damaging. It turns intimacy on its head and puts
in its place the drive for complete control.<br />
<br />
<b>Empty</b><br />
<br />
Another
phase involves the loss of feeling about everything and a kind of
removal from human attachment. Nothing is painful or pleasurable, and
nothing matters much. I’ve imagined feeling “fine” in this state while
really distancing myself from my family and co-workers. I’m standing in
place but no longer there. The effect is an understated absence that is
no less hurtful than raging outbursts. I have a brief story about this
in the next post.<br />
<br />
<b>Despairing</b><br />
<br />
Depression
comes to a different sort of crisis when I’ve felt extreme despair and
shame about being me. It’s then I’m constantly tearing myself apart,
obsessing on every mistake, every failure – and everything looks like
failure. Freud’s early description of depression as anger turned inward
fits this exactly. Thoughts of suicide are common because I feel this me
isn’t worth enough to keep alive. Of course, that means I’ve blotted
out the love of my wife and family and feel I’ve failed as well in those
relationships. I can’t even hear the words when my wife and close
friends offer love and support. My family can only be baffled and hurt
at my inability to be present and constant hiding away in solitude.
Often, I’m actively pushing them away because I can’t face dealing with
anyone.<br />
<br />
<b>Restored</b><br />
<br />
I want to
include a fourth state because it appears to be the “normal” one. One
day I wake up and feel fine – I’m restored to my “real” self. My mind is
working again, I can handle anything that comes my way. Once more, I’m
the responsive, loving husband, father, son. The problem is that, even
when it’s happening, I believe this “recovered” state is unstable. After
a good day or week or month, I’m certain I’ll wake up and find myself
in the midst of one of the destructive states – or it might just arrive
without my being aware of the change. What that means, as I see it now,
is that my real self isn’t whole, isn’t recovered. I don’t trust myself,
and my wife can’t trust me either. I could turn on her or shut her out
in a flash when I disappear again.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-49640585095747423292013-07-16T07:00:00.000-04:002013-07-16T07:00:49.835-04:00Engs, R. C. “What Are Addictive Behaviors?”<br />
Any
activity, substance, object, or behavior that has become the major
focus of a person's life to the exclusion of other activities, or that
has begun to harm the individual or others physically, mentally, or
socially is considered an addictive behavior. A person can become
addicted, dependent, or compulsively obsessed with anything. Some
researchers imply that there are similarities between physical addiction
to various chemicals, such as alcohol, and psychological dependence to
activities such as sex, work or exercise. It is thought that these
behavior activities may produce beta-endorphins in the brain, which
makes the person feel "high." Some experts suggest that if a person
continues to engage in the activity to achieve this feeling of
well-being and euphoria, he may get into an addictive cycle. In so
doing, he becomes physically addicted to his own brain chemicals, thus
leading to continuation of the behavior even though it may have negative
health or social consequences. Most physical addictions to substances
such as alcohol also have a psychological component. For example, an
alcoholic who has not used alcohol for years may still crave a drink.
Thus some researchers feel that we need to look at both physical and
psychological dependencies upon a variety of substances, activities, and
behaviors as an addictive process and as addictive behaviors. They
suggest that all of these behaviors have a host of commonalities that
make them more similar to than different from each other and that they
should not be divided into separate diseases, categories, or problems.<br />
<br />
<b>Common Characteristics Among Addictive Behaviors</b><br />
<br />
There are many common characteristics among the various addictive behaviors:<br />
<br />
1. The person becomes obsessed with the object, activity, or substance.<br />
<br />
2. He will seek it out, or engage in the behavior even though it is
causing harm (problems with friends, family, fellow workers, poor work
performance).<br />
<br />
3. The person will compulsively engage in the
activity, that is, do the activity over and over even if he does not
want to and finds it difficult to stop.<br />
<br />
4. Upon cessation of
the activity, withdrawal symptoms often occur. These can include
irritability, craving, restlessness or depression.<br />
<br />
5. The
person does not appear to have control as to when, how long, or how much
he will continue the behavior (loss of control).<br />
<br />
6. He often denies problems resulting from his engagement in the behavior, even though others can see the negative effects.<br />
<br />
7. The person hides the behavior after family or close friends have mentioned their concern.<br />
<br />
8. Many individuals with addictive behaviors report a blackout for the time they were engaging in the behavior.<br />
<br />
9. Depression is common in individuals with addictive behaviors. That
is why it is important to make an appointment with a physician to find
out what is going on.<br />
<br />
10. Individuals with addictive behaviors
often have low self esteem and feel anxious if they do not have control
over their environment.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-7407908941362026962013-07-16T06:58:00.002-04:002013-07-16T06:58:26.103-04:00Nauert, Rick, PhD. “Immune Disorders Tied to Mental Illness?” Psych Central, June 3, 2010.<br />
A
provocative study using genetically altered mice finds a
cause-and-effect link between the immune system and a psychiatric
disorder.<br />
<br />
Mario Capecchi, a Nobel Prize-winning
geneticist, discovered that bone marrow transplants cure mutant mice who
pull out their hair compulsively.<br />
<br />
The study provides
the first cause-and-effect link between immune system cells and mental
illness, and points toward eventual new psychiatric treatments.<br />
<br />
“We’re
showing there is a direct relationship between a psychiatric disorder
and the immune system, specifically cells named microglia that are
derived from bone marrow” and are found in the brain, says Capecchi.<br />
<br />
“There’s been an inference. But nobody has previously made a direct connection between the two.”<br />
The
findings – published in the journal Cell – should inspire researchers
“to think about potential new immune-based therapies for psychiatric
disorders,” says Capecchi, a 2007 Nobel laureate in physiology or
medicine.<br />
<br />
“A lot of people are going to find it
amazing,” says Capecchi. “That’s the surprise: bone marrow can correct a
behavioral defect.”<br />
<br />
Nevertheless, “I’m not proposing we should do bone marrow transplants for any psychiatric disorder” in humans, he says.<br />
<br />
Bone
marrow transplants are expensive, and the risks and complications are
so severe they generally are used only to treat life-threatening
illnesses, including certain cancers and disabling autoimmune diseases
such as lupus.<br />
<br />
Capecchi says that mice with the mutant
gene that causes pathological grooming now can be used to study the
surprising connections between the immune system’s microglia cells and
mental illness – and ultimately to produce new treatments.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-89105992484532112462013-07-16T06:57:00.000-04:002013-07-16T06:57:19.229-04:00“Genes ‘Play Key Happiness Role.’” BBC News, March 8, 2008.<br />
Our level of happiness throughout life is strongly influenced by the genes with which we were born, say experts.<br />
<br />
An
Edinburgh University study of identical and non-identical twins
suggests genes may control half the personality traits keeping us happy.
The other half is linked to lifestyle, career and relationships.
However, another expert said despite the research in the journal
Psychological Science, we can still train ourselves to be more content.<br />
<br />
Psychologists
have developed several methods to assess a person's personality type -
and even their level of happiness. The Edinburgh study, in conjunction
with researchers at the Institute for Medical Research in Queensland,
Australia, looked at results from 900 pairs of twins. The idea behind
twin studies is that, because identical twins are genetically exactly
the same, while fraternal twins are not, it is possible, by comparing
the results from the two groups to calculate how strongly influenced a
particular trait is by genetics. In this case, the researchers looked
for people who tended not to worry, and who were sociable and
conscientious. All three of these separate characteristics have been
linked by other research to an overall sense of happiness or well-being.
The differences between the results from the identical and fraternal
twins suggested that these traits were influenced up to 50% by genetic
factors.<br />
<br />
Dr Alexander Weiss, from Edinburgh's School of
Philosophy, Psychology and Language Sciences, who led the research,
said: "Together with life and liberty, the pursuit of happiness is a
core human desire. "Although happiness is subject to a wide range of
external influences we have found there is a heritable component of
happiness which can be entirely explained by genetic architecture of
personality."<br />
<br />
The Centre for Applied Positive
Psychology promotes research into techniques for boosting personal
contentment. Dr Alex Linley, from the centre, said that even though
other studies supported the genetic argument, it was wrong for anyone to
think that nature had dealt them a fixed hand in happiness terms. He
said: "What it means is that, rather than a single point, people have a
range of possible levels of happiness - and it is perfectly possible to
influence this with techniques that are empirically proven to work.
"Simple things, like listing your strengths and using them in new ways
every day, or keeping a journal where you write down, every night, three
things that you are grateful for, have been shown to deliver
improvements."whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-15189516848190294612013-07-16T06:55:00.001-04:002013-07-16T06:55:27.746-04:00Coles, Jeremy. “Great Apes May Have ‘Mid-Life Crisis,’ A Study Suggests.” BBC Nature, Nov. 19, 2012.<br />
Chimpanzees and orangutans may experience a "mid-life crisis" like humans, a study suggests.<br />
<br />
An
international team of researchers assessed the well-being and happiness
of the great apes. They found well-being was high in youth, fell to a
low in midlife and rose again in old age, similar to the "U-shape curve"
of happiness in humans. The study brought together experts such as
psychologists, primatologists and economists. Results are published in
the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.<br />
<br />
"What
we are testing is whether the U-shaped curve can describe the
association between age and well-being in non-human primates as it does
in humans," psychologist and lead author Dr Alexander Weiss of the
University of Edinburgh told BBC Nature. Dr Weiss hoped the results
would show a similar curve because of the close relationship between
humans, chimpanzees and orangutans. The study showed that male and
female humans, chimpanzees and orangutans have the same U-shaped curve
despite differences in social roles, and the phenomenon is therefore not
uniquely human.<br />
<br />
The sample subjects included 508
chimpanzees (Pan troglodytes) and orangutans (Pongo sp.) of varying
ages, from zoos, sanctuaries and research centers. They were assessed by
zoo keepers, volunteers, researchers and caretakers who had worked with
the primate subject for at least two years and knew its behavior. The
animals were numerically scored for well-being and happiness on a short
questionnaire, which was based on a human well-being model but modified
for use in non-human primates.<br />
<br />
Dr Weiss said that the
similarities between humans, chimps and orangutans go beyond genetics
and physiology. For example, chimpanzees face similar social pressures
and stress factors to humans. "You don't have the chimpanzee hitting
mid-life and suddenly they want a bright red sports car," explained Dr
Weiss. "But there may be other things that they want like mating with
more females or gaining access to more resources."<br />
<br />
Co-author
Andrew Oswald, professor of economics at the University of Warwick, has
researched human happiness for 20 years. "One of the reasons we decided
to look at ape data was that when you study humans, that U-shape is
exactly the same when you adjust statistically for things like
education, income and marriage. For Prof Oswald it was "quite
mind-blowing... to find it in apes."<br />
<br />
The study showed that orangutans may experience a midlife dip in well-being and happiness<br />
He
concluded that "the mid-life crisis is real and it exists in... our
closest biological relatives, suggesting that it is probably explained
by biology and physiology."<br />
<br />
Psychologist Dr Weiss said
that this research opens a lot of doors. He explained that for a long
time this kind of mid-life crisis was considered something specific to
human society and human lives. "And what [this study] says is that it
may be a part of the picture, but it's clearly not all of the picture. We have to look deeper into our evolutionary past and that of the
common ancestors that we share with chimpanzees, orangutans and other
apes."<br />
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-24989231295991136132013-07-16T06:52:00.002-04:002013-07-16T06:52:29.783-04:00Gardner, Amanda. “Depression in Middle Age Linked to Dementia.” Health.com, May 8, 2012<br />
People who have symptoms of depression in middle age may be at increased risk of dementia decades later, a new study suggests.<br />
<br />
Using
medical records, researchers tracked more than 13,000 people in a large
northern California health plan from roughly their 40s and 50s into
their 80s. Compared to people who had never been depressed, those who
experienced symptoms of depression in middle age -- but not later in
life -- were about 20% more likely to go on to develop dementia.<br />
<br />
Those
who received a depression diagnosis later in life only were at even
greater risk. That group had about a 70% increased risk of dementia
compared to their depression-free peers, according to the study, which
was published this week in the Archives of General Psychiatry.<br />
<br />
<i>The national plan to fight Alzheimer's</i><br />
<br />
In
a first, the researchers also found that the timing of the depression
seemed to predict which type of dementia an individual would develop.
Late-life depression was linked with Alzheimer's disease, while mid-life
depression was mostly connected with a related condition known as
vascular dementia.<br />
<br />
Although Alzheimer's disease and
vascular dementia share many of the same outward symptoms, they're
associated with different processes in the brain. In Alzheimer's, memory
loss and other symptoms are believed to be caused by protein deposits
that interfere with brain function. Vascular dementia, on the other
hand, appears to occur when blood flow to certain areas of the brain is
interrupted, such as during strokes and so-called mini-strokes.<br />
<br />
The
study participants were 3.5 times more likely to develop vascular
dementia if they'd experienced depression symptoms in both middle age
and later in life, which suggests that "recurring depression over the
life course seems to be triggering vascular changes that puts [people]
at risk for vascular dementia," says lead author Deborah E. Barnes,
Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of
California, San Francisco.<br />
<br />
Dr. Charles Nemeroff, chair
of psychiatry at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, says
there is already "quite a bit of evidence" that depression is a risk
factor for dementia. However, this study is among the largest to show a
link between the two conditions, says Nemeroff, who was not involved
with the research.<br />
<br />
Previous studies have not
distinguished between depression in middle age and depression later in
life, making it difficult to determine if depression is a risk factor
for dementia or an early symptom, Barnes says. "The question has been,
'Is depression a true risk factor for dementia?'" she says.<br />
<br />
The
findings do suggest that depression tends to precede vascular dementia,
but the study does have a number of limitations that prevent the
authors from concluding that depression directly causes dementia.<br />
<br />
The
dementia diagnoses were based only on a questionnaire, symptoms and
medical history, not brain imaging or spinal fluid measurements. The
latter techniques are more reliable, especially since the distinction
between Alzheimer's and vascular dementia isn't always clear-cut.<br />
<br />
The
study didn't include any data on whether the depressed participants
received treatment, or what type of treatment. That question is "really
important," Nemeroff says. "We'd really like to know: If depression
[were] aggressively treated with psychotherapy or antidepressants, could
you stave off dementia?"<br />
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-30938876585594644652013-07-16T06:50:00.001-04:002013-07-16T06:50:38.772-04:00Selection from Carver, Joseph, PhD. “The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems.” Full text at http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Chemical%20Imbalance.html<br />
<br />
<b>Dopamine</b><br />
<br />
One
type of dopamine works in the brain movement and motor system. As this
level of dopamine decreases below the “normal range” we begin to
experience more motor and gross-movement problems.<br />
<br />
Symptoms:<br />
<ul>
<li>Falling when walking</li>
<li>Loss of balance and coordination</li>
<li>Gait (walking pattern) disturbance, smaller steps</li>
<li>Slow movements and difficulty with voluntary movements</li>
<li>Stiffness and aches in muscles</li>
<li>Tremors and shaking</li>
<li>Fixed, mask-like facial expression</li>
<li>Impairment of fine-motor skills</li>
<li>Impairment in cognitive/intellectual ability - inability to concentrate</li>
</ul>
Dopamine in the thinking areas of the brain might be considered
the neurotransmitter of focus. Low levels impair our ability to focus on
our environment or to “lock on” to tasks, activities, or conversations.
As dopamine levels in the brain begin to rise, we become
excited/energized, then suspicious and paranoid, then finally
hyper-stimulated by our environment. With low levels of dopamine, we
can’t focus while with high levels of dopamine our focus becomes
narrowed and intense to the point of focusing on everything in our
environment as though it were directly related to our situation.<br />
<br />
Mild
elevations in dopamine are associated with addictions. Alcohol or any
addictive substance produces a feeling of excited euphoria by increasing
dopamine levels in the brain. Too much of these chemicals/substances
and we feel “wired” as moderate levels of dopamine make us
hyper-stimulated – paying too much attention to our environment due to
being overstimulated and unable to separate what’s important and what is
not.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Serotonin</b><br />
<br />
When
serotonin is low, we experience problems with concentration and
attention. We become scatterbrained and poorly organized. Routine
responsibilities now seem overwhelming. It takes longer to do things
because of poor planning. We lose our car keys and put odd things in the
refrigerator. We call people and forget why we called or go to the
grocery and forget what we needed. We tell people the same thing two or
three times.<br />
<br />
Symptoms of low serotonin include chronic
fatigue, sleep disturbances/early-morning awakening, loss of appetite or
sweet cravings, loss of sexual interest, social withdrawal, sadness,
low self-esteem, loss of personality, headaches and upset stomach.<br />
<br />
Extremely
low serotonin leads to focusing on negative memories, not knowing how
you feel about your life, marriage, job, family, future, significant
other, etc., temper tantrums/outbreaks of anger and irritability, escape
fantasies, a need for change in lifestyle (divorce, affair, new job,
new car), OCD-like behavior, magnification of existing personality
traits.<br />
<br />
At the bottom, everyone with severely low
serotonin hears: 1) You’re a bad spouse, parent, child, employee, etc.,
2) You are a burden to those who love or depend on you, 3) You are
worsening the lives of those around you, 4) Those who care about you
would be better if you weren’t there, 5) You would be better if you
weren’t around, and 6) You and those around you would be better off if
you were totally out of the picture. At that point, you develop suicidal
thoughts.<br />
<br />
One in four adults will experience clinical
depression within their lifetime. Depression is the “common cold” of
mental health practice – very common and much easier to treat today than
in the past.<br />
<br />
Treatment includes SSRIs.<br />
<br />
<b>Norepinephrine</b><br />
<br />
Norepinephrine
sets threshold levels of stimulation and arousal. Anxiety and
depression are related to norepinephrine levels in the brain, as this
neurotransmitter seems to maintain the balance between agitation and
depression.<br />
<br />
Low levels of norepinephrine are associated
with a loss of alertness, poor memory, and depression. Norepinephrine
appears to be the neurotransmitter of “arousal” and for that reason,
lower-than-normal levels of this neurotransmitter produce below-average
levels of arousal and interest, a symptom found in several psychiatric
conditions including depression and ADHD.<br />
<br />
Excessive
amounts of norepinephrine and adrenaline give us extra strength,
increased energy/arousal, muscle tightness (for fighting or running),
and a desperate sense that we must do something immediately.<br />
<br />
Low
levels of norepinephrine are often treated using newer antidepressants.
Many new antidepressants, known as Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake
Inhibitors (SNRI’s) with brand names like Effexor and Serzone, treat
depression by increasing levels of both serotonin and norepinephrine
neurotransmitters.<br />
<br />
<b>GABA</b><br />
<br />
Gamma-Aminobutyric
Acid (GABA) is a neurotransmitter that decreases the ability of other
neurotransmitters to work. GABA is involved in our level of
excitability. Rather than encouraging communication between cells such
as dopamine, serotonin or norepinephrine, GABA reduces, discourages, and
blocks communication. This neurotransmitter is important in brain areas
involving emotion and anxiety.<br />
<br />
When GABA is in the
normal range in the brain, we are not overly aroused or anxious. At the
same time, we have appropriate reactions to situations in our
environment. GABA is the communication speed controller, making sure all
brain communications are operating at the right speed and with the
correct intensity. Too little GABA in the brain, the communication
becomes out of control, overstimulated, and chemically unstable. Too
much GABA and we are overly relaxed and sedated, often to the point that
normal reactions are impaired.<br />
<br />
Low levels of GABA are
associated with bipolar disorder and mania. With GABA levels below
average, the brain is too stimulated. We begin talking rapidly, staying
up for days at a time, and develop wild and grandiose ideas. In a manic
state, we are so “high” and out of control that social problems are
quick to develop, often due to hypersexuality, excessive spending,
reckless decisions, risk-taking behavior, and grandiose ideas.<br />
<br />
Low
levels of GABA are also associated with poor impulse control. When
GABA is low in the brain, impulsive behaviors are not inhibited
(stopped) by logical or reasonable thinking. Alcohol works by increasing
GABA levels, producing mild euphoria, loss of social anxiety, and other
symptoms of intoxication.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-77480176109501484842013-07-16T06:47:00.002-04:002013-07-16T06:47:34.010-04:00Costa and McCrae Normative Aging StudyThe Normative Aging Study (Costa and McCrae, 1980) conducted at the
Boston VA Outpatient Clinic followed men from their early 20s throughout
adulthood. The only ones who had a midlife crisis (i.e., depression,
despair, anger, blame, escapism, risky behavior) were ones who were also
depressed and anxious in their late teens to early 20s. Once a
crisis-prone individual, always a crisis-prone individual, according to
this study.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-66948048625005052512013-07-16T06:45:00.002-04:002013-07-16T06:45:59.879-04:00Notes on the “Holy Hormones Honey” podcast (August 8, 2012)<br />
Dr.
Ken Stoller said oxytocin helps the brain to heal so it can start
processing emotions. Testosterone blocks the effects of oxytocin. Men
have less oxytocin to begin with, then from adolescence onward,
testosterone blocks its efficacy. As men age and testosterone levels
start to drop, the oxytocin begins to be expressed.<br />
<br />
Testosterone
spikes and dips 4x/hr. It also fluctuates daily, higher in the morning
and lower at night, contributing to irritability and anger. According
to Dr. Jed Diamond, it is actually more common for there to be anger and
irritability when testosterone is dropping rather than when it is too
high.<br />
<br />
Men do have hormonal cycles, individual to each
man rather than a set monthly schedule like women have. Dr. Diamond
recommends increased exercise, massage, warm baths. <br />
<br />
It
feels like the man’s partner is going out of her way to get on his last
nerve, when in fact, it is the man’s hormone levels that are the cause.
The cause is internal, not external.<br />
<br />
Europe has been using hormone replacement therapy for men with good results since World War II.<br />
<br />
30-40%
of men in male menopause have hot flashes. The hot flashes indicate a
more rapid change. The change can happen any time between 35 and 65 for
men, though for many it is 40-55, and tends to be a more subtle and
slower change for men compared to the rapid drops in estrogen,
progesterone and testosterone in women.<br />
<br />
Midlife crisis,
or “male menopause,” is based on biochemical changes and hormone drops.
For men, sexual changes include erectile dysfunction and loss of
libido. Emotional changes: increased anger and irritability,
depression. Physical changes: dry skin, weight gain in the belly
despite healthy diet and exercise, increased risk of heart attack
(related to hormone levels). <br />
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-10280325180680049512013-07-16T06:44:00.001-04:002013-07-16T06:44:42.124-04:00Examples of reconciliations from two anti-divorce forums<br />
s........4 5 month separation<br />
T...2 total MLC 5-6 years; H gone 6 months<br />
m............s 8 month separation<br />
f......m 8 month separation, 7 months of “I want a divorce”<br />
F........H 8.5 month separation (F MLCer)<br />
a..e 1 year separation<br />
e......t 1 year separation, married 21 years.<br />
s.....e 1 year separation.<br />
c..e 1 year affair; H never moved out<br />
b..........m 14 months separation<br />
o......Z 15 months replay (F MLCer)<br />
j.............s 16 months replay (F MLCer)<br />
m....a 15 month separation<br />
s........l 15 months BD to reconnection<br />
r...............r 18 month separation; H moved in and out every three months six times<br />
n.........e 18 month separation<br />
2........c 18 month separation<br />
i.........e 18 month separation<br />
s.............s 18 month separation<br />
s....e 18 month affair; married 20 years.<br />
r..............e 18 months from divorce filing to reconciliation<br />
A.....1 18 months BD to reconciliation facilitated by Retrouvaille<br />
c............e 20 months BD to return; 1 mo. after settlement mtg; divorce dismissed 6 wks later<br />
p......e 6 month separation; another 15 months of processing<br />
d......e 4 month separation, another 20 months before reconnection<br />
s......e 23 months BD to reconciliation<br />
m.....r 23 month affair (MLCer is poster's BIL)<br />
a.......o 2 year separation. H moved in with OW after 3 months, divorce filed after 18 months, H returned home 7 months later<br />
j.....m 2 year separation. SHE left five years later.<br />
i...n 2 year separation.<br />
p......r 2 year separation. (F MLCer)<br />
y........e 2 year separation<br />
S........9
2 years BD to reconnection - 1 year BD to 1st reconnection;
stayed 4 months, back to OW; then gone 9 months before returning home again.<br />
h.......d 2.5 years BD to reconnection<br />
b.........y 2.5 year separation<br />
t........d 2.5 year separation<br />
w.......n 2.5 year separation<br />
c.d 2.5 years BD to reconnection; turning point was Retrouvaille<br />
v.....a 3 year affair; H had to call sheriff to evict OW<br />
b....n 3 years BD to reconnection; H never left home<br />
w.......g 3 years BD to reconnection<br />
m.....d 3 years BD to reconnection<br />
r.......l 3 years BD to reconnection<br />
g.......r 3.5 years BD to reconnection; 10 month separation<br />
c.........m 3.5 years BD to reconnection; 32 month separation<br />
<br />
45 return stories; average time of replay/separation = 18 monthswhatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-72042960650099058122013-07-16T06:34:00.003-04:002013-07-16T06:34:58.102-04:00Forum post from a female MLCer<br />
I should point
out that an MLCer MIGHT also pretty much stop talking to whomever they
were closest to. They may get a whole new circle of friends. Or they
might push everyone away.<br />
<br />
I stopped talking to my
sister, who has always been my best friend. But by the time that
happened, I'd pushed my husband so far away he couldn't have known that
was happening. We lived apart and I'd been out of touch with him for a
long time except regarding the house or kids. There was ZERO
communication with him unless I HAD to and I would go to great lengths
to avoid that. I didn't like the man. I know now that what I really
didn't like were the things he made me see about myself.<br />
<br />
I
should also note that when I stopped talking to my sister was when
things were beginning to change INSIDE of me. I was getting the first
inkling that my story (my rewriting of the marital history) wasn't going
to hold water much longer. The cracks were starting to appear. That's
when I stopped talking to EVERYBODY.<br />
<br />
In my case,
through the initial period of deep MLC (March 2002-2004), I'd spun such
brilliant BS that everyone thought I was right to want a
separation/divorce. In March '04, my husband left for the second time. I
was crashing hard and fairly regularly. I still managed for another
year to outrun reality though it did creep in occasionally. My husband
stopped fighting for me when he left the second time. That was the
biggest jolt. By summer 2005, I was coming apart at the seams.
Completely. I'd exhausted myself with the things of the world that had
enticed me, I was looking at families and missing my own. For the first
time, I started to see that there had been good times. I had REALLY
forgotten them. MLC stole a big chunk of the good things about my
marriage. I did not see us as my husband saw us. So you spouses really
are holding something precious that no one else has; you're holding the
real truth about your marriage and your life together. You're the only
one who is going to understand when your spouse comes back. You're all
that's going to be familiar and if you're not there ...<br />
<br />
After
a while, I started seeing how I had contributed to the bad times. By
October 2005 I was completely broken and flat on my face in repentance.
Thinking of it still makes me cry.<br />
<br />
I was a mean MLCer. I
convinced myself and everyone around me that my husband was the biggest
SOB that ever walked. I BELIEVED it. I twisted every argument we'd ever
had. I had all my family in support of my efforts. Eventually, and it
took a long time, I convinced my husband we were really through. He
stood for over 2 years, though. Alone. Without a message board or a
clue about MLC. He just believed in me and in us.<br />
<br />
It wasn’t until he had to let go to save his own sanity that I started waking up. <br />
<br />
If
you’re new to MLC, I'll say this: If you don't humble yourself at this
time, if you let pride make you bitter and vengeful, your MLCer will
never feel able to ask your forgiveness. And THAT ALONE IS PARAMOUNT to
her coming out of MLC a better and stronger person. You see, the hardest
thing for her will be forgiving herself and she can never do that
unless she can come back and talk with you.<br />
<br />
Love her or
not, leave her or not, you've got to be the person your MLCer can come
to and apologize. This is when you're going to have your feet held to
fire and you'll find out if your love really is unconditional.<br />
<br />
While she's lost, you have work of your own to do. Work on yourself.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-89546931302121149252013-07-16T06:33:00.000-04:002013-07-16T06:33:19.866-04:00How MLCers use Facebook<br />
<ul>
<li>My husband "unfriended" me on Facebook early after Bomb Drop. I was
so hurt! One of the last posts on my Facebook before he did that was a
cute/funny post about riding our bikes to a neighboring town for our
anniversary dinner.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Over the next three months, on my page - he writes, “My wife is very, very caring,” “My wife is very beautiful,” “My wife is very understanding.”</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>My husband did the exact same thing on Facebook. He had a trip away
with "the guys" and praised me on Facebook for organizing the whole
thing and being the "best" wife ever. Bomb drop was a month later too!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>From what I've seen, there's a period of clarity where he must KNOW
that what is going on in his head is crazy - he must remember that he
once thought these nice things about us. He must post those things to
both convince himself and others. Maybe even thinking by doing that,
we'll leave him alone and not hassle him about how weird he’s being.
Umm, hello midlife crisis husband - it was a pretty big red flag for
me!!!! </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>So what all y'all are saying is, they post one thing when other
things are going on in their heads? See, this whole Facebook thing has
bothered me from day one. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>My husband then took the next step of un-friending me altogether. I
have no idea what it means, but I'm trying not to panic. I don't know
if he's just trying to posture or if Bomb Drop #2 is coming.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I was unfriended after Bomb Drop, I think as a way for husband to
protect his privacy, so I couldn't go on and find out who the other
woman is. I had a friend of his send me the names of all the female
friends my husband has on Facebook. Sure enough, I figured out who it
was.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Facebook seems to be the perfect vehicle for setting up Fantasyland for the MLCer. I guess it's all a bit individual though.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>This Facebook thing is crazy! My husband kept me on his Facebook
after Bomb Drop, and the other woman was also on my Facebook, so they
paraded around on Facebook all lovey-dovey and the other woman went
totally out of her way to post pics of the both of them, stating how
much she loved him just to get on my nerves. So I just got out of
Facebook all together - was not worth it in the least. After sometime I
decided I could go back on and husband had totally blocked me from
everything! I figure they are just hiding - I wouldn't worry about it
too much. Remember, Fantasyland is easily maintained on Facebook.</li>
</ul>
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-45713593907822577182013-07-16T06:29:00.003-04:002013-07-16T06:29:52.414-04:00Comments on a Huffington Post article on midlife crisis<br />
<ul>
<li>You don't ask the person going through the crisis if they are having
a midlife crisis, you ask the people around them who know who they were
and how they used to think. The person in crisis is confused, forgetful
and ambivalent. They cannot and never will cop to being labeled as
someone experiencing a midlife crisis. But everyone around them can
plainly see the vast changes and feel the unbridled ramifications the
person experiencing the crisis leaves in their wake. They have lost
their footing, they have questions about everything with very few
answers. The self they used to be no longer has grounding in the body
and life they are living. They are desperately searching for a way to
make sense of it all and to get back on solid ground. And because of
this they act out.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I know this through direct experience. I watched my lovely wife
transform almost overnight to an entirely new person who had very little
use for anyone who was important to her before in her new life. So far,
I have hung in there and watched, learned and grown myself. And because
of this I am witnessing the other side of the crisis. I am witnessing
an awakening. I would venture to say that most people are only around
for the tearing down, the destruction caused by the midlife sufferer.
They never get to see the ever-so-slow recovery and grounding on the
other side.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>This is what happened to me and my husband. His sudden, extreme
change in behavior (and total loss of ethics - he took almost everything
we own and cleaned out my bank account to pay for an affair with a
woman he was soon cheating on) and complete disowning of me and all of
his old friends) were so dramatic that MANY friends wanted to legally
and medically intervene in order to check whether he had a BRAIN TUMOR. </li>
</ul>
<br />
He had acted like he loved me, never told me he was
anything but happy, never stopped sleeping with me, never stopped
telling me he loved me until the day he just left.<br />
<br />
I
don't know what happened to him but midlife crisis is the only thing
that makes sense; he appears to be healthy two years on so I don't think
it's a brain tumor.<br />
<br />
I miss the husband I knew. I don't
know who this person is, but his complete change in personality makes
me think of the German word "Doppelganger" - the concept of someone
having a twin (or evil twin) must have come from somewhere! Like demonic
possession, I suspect the idea of Doppelganger comes from a radically
changed person who no longer bears any resemblance to the person s/he
used to be. I still miss my husband and don't understand what happened
to him. Although I try not to, I keep hoping one day he will be back. I
loved him truly.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>It happened to me! Seven years ago when my husband was 42, he
decided he wanted to reunite with his high school sweetheart. He just
packed and left one Sunday morning. Needless to say, I was quite upset.
After 6 months, he called me out of the blue one day and wanted to take
me to dinner. I was just curious enough that I had to go, and needless
to say, my kids were furious with me, but I went and we had a wonderful
evening. We ended up dating for 6 months before I let him come home. To
this day, he can't tell me why he did it. He says that something just
came over him and he felt like he had to do it. For the last 6 years, he
has been the most loving, kind and selfless husband a woman could ask
for. Guess the old saying is true: you don't know what you have until
it's gone. And that goes for both of us!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Let me tell you what a midlife crisis does to families. I was
married to a very successful surgeon. I myself am a doctor with three
wonderful children. Then it happened: the sports cars, the woman, the
cheating, all at 50 years of age. Then the blonde hair to look younger,
the tanning and the parties, and then the depression crash. The practice
is no more. We are divorced. Three children who were good students
plunged. Their home is gone. There will be no college for the second
child because of lack of money and and my ex refuses to pay. I’m working
8am to 9pm; the third child is raising himself. The extended family is
divided. My ex’s mother has paid off his debt from five years of
spending. He is remarried to a 26 year old -- he is 61. He doesn’t see
our children because the 26-year-old is jealous of his daughter. After
counseling and with the family that stuck by us, the children and I have
spent our first Christmas in five years with all trimmings. It has been
a whirlwind ride I would not wish on my worst enemy.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I have heard or known about at least 50 situations where (mostly
men) have fallen apart around their 40s, up and walked away from a
devoted family and left the family completely shocked. I had a 42-year
marriage in which my husband had a crisis every 20 years: lots of wine,
women and chasing after men of status and power. We finally divorced.
Experience is truth for me and I continue to hear more stories every
week.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Of a group of 10 friends, 7 of them had husbands in their 40s leave
without warning. One came home from work, announced he had a 19-year-old
girlfriend, and walked out on his wife and three young kids. Another
sent an email while on a business trip saying he wanted a divorce. His
wife and two kids were shocked. A third thought it was a swell idea to
hook up with prostitutes he found on Craigslist. A fourth had secretly
been taking a girlfriend on business trips with him while the wife
stayed home and cared for the kids. You get the picture. In all cases,
these were educated men with good jobs who seemed to love their
families. The wives were devastated because they thought they had good
marriages.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I've seen quite a few men and women run off with younger partners
for a few years, then realize they threw away what was truly important.
In every case it was far too late to get back what they lost and they
all are these sort of sad, ghost people who lurk at parties, laughing
too loudly and drinking too much while trying to get off with younger
people. It's kind of pathetic, particularly how they dress.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>My sister-in-law's husband went through a classic midlife crisis
with the nose job, sports car, moving to a new town, losing weight,
chasing younger women, etc. The only reason the marriage survived is
that he didn't catch any of them. I myself went through a rough patch
when I hit 40 that lasted years. The only people who laugh at a midlife
crisis are people who have never had one.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I went through what I know to have been my midlife crisis and have
seen many others go through it with no childishness or dishonesty or
irresponsibility involved, only deep inner conflict and despair. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>It is not a myth! I had one and wished I had had cancer instead! I
was in a fog and hurt many people that I cared about! Thank goodness I
survived it and was able to repair some of the damage!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I'm 51, I watched everybody I knew who was of my age go through a
midlife crisis. Most did not handle it well, generally they came out of
it less happy than before.</li>
</ul>
whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-26937472494554779352013-07-16T06:28:00.000-04:002013-07-16T06:28:04.480-04:00Comments from some spouses of MLCers<br />
<ul>
<li>At the time leading up to, and peaking at “bomb drop” (when the wife
finds out about the affair), my husband says he felt an overwhelming
roiling of emotions. It was some combination of seething anger, fear,
desperation, and loneliness. He did not know where it came from, but it
kept growing in intensity. No matter what he tried, or thought, it would
not stop........until.... he had sniffed out and found a perfectly
matching, emotionally dysfunctional, emotional twin, the other woman. He
had found his “drug.” Her emotional pathology matched his MLC emotional
pathology and they began to use each other to try to fill each of their
own sucking voids. The roiling of emotions quieted. It appeared to my
husband that he had found the solution to his turmoil. Now, out of
“Replay,” he admits that his need for the relationship had nothing to do
with her, but only to do with what emotional needs her attention could
fulfill. He says the affair could have been with anyone at all, as long
as she allowed herself to be used to meet his needs. So, let’s take
that information and apply it. What if the MLCer’s “fix” was gotten by
sitting on a park bench? As long as he sits there, he can avoid his
Shadow (underlying psychological issues). But one day his butt starts to
get sore from sitting, yet he stays because the Shadow promises to hurt
more than his butt is sore. Ultimately though, the scales will tip and
his butt will hurt more than his fear of the Shadow is great……and he
will stand up. It doesn’t feel so personal when it is a park bench, does
it?</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>A primary feature of atypical depression is the so-called "mood
reactivity". The person will temporarily feel better when good things
happen, especially if he is loved or admired. The spouse may flourish
with the attention of others and may not appear the least bit depressed.
He may even feel a bit high. The periods of normal mood are not stable,
and when he is criticized or rejected, he will feel devastated and
quickly relapse. A person with pronounced rejection sensitivity may run
into a great deal of interpersonal difficulty. He will overreact to
perceived slights with bitter disappointment and anger. The anger can be
expressed indirectly through sullen withdrawal.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>For the record, my husband admitting that he is in MLC is new
territory, and this is after reconciliation. I first suggested it to him
well over a year ago and he adamantly denied that any such thing even
existed and that he wasn't like everyone else, he didn't care what I'd
read, blah blah blah.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>“While he was in the worst of his MLC, he didn't trust anybody,
least of all ME. If the MLCer doesn't trust anyone why do they latch on
to someone else and, in many cases, move in with them immediately?”
Because that person is validating what they want to do. The same goes
for the people they hang out with, inappropriate people. These people
say what the MLCer wants to hear. Such as "You deserve to be happy,”
"You owe it to yourself to be happy"...."Yes, couples do outgrow each
other"... on and on. They need approval, validation and seek out people
that will provide it. Just like a teenager. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>“He was cocky, defiant, he was entitled to his happiness, I had
never made him happy and he was going to grab this chance and make it
work. He didn't care how many years we had in together, he didn't care
what the kids thought about it or anybody else.”</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Since we reconciled, let me tell you what my husband has told me.
While he was in the worst of his MLC, he didn't trust anybody, least of
all ME. He was convinced that I was the PROBLEM, that the only way
forward for him was to take care of his HAPPINESS. His happiness was
the only thing that mattered to him, he felt he had given all of himself
for years to his family and we had ALL taken advantage of his good
will. Ladies and gentlemen, if we want to help our spouses to return to
the person they were, then I truly feel we have to detach completely.
We have to RISK falling out of love with our spouse. Focus on ourselves
and our healing. Embrace the process, take our full journey and learn
and grow. Become the new improved person that we all are capable of
becoming. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I have said to my man, 'This is not how people break up. After 20
years together you discuss things, you try, you might break up a few
times in the process, you don't just walk in and devastate and destroy
with no warning." Of course he doesn't see it that way. To him, he
tried. because he had all those months, fighting the chaos in his head,
emotionally detaching, rationalizing what he had to do. All hidden from
me. In his mind, he DID fight but as I said to him, we didn't fight
together and he wasn't fighting FOR me. He was fighting himself. He
chose himself over us.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The other thing about MLC that is different than from a
run-of-the-mill cheating ba$tard: these were good people until this
CRISIS struck. Really good people. Good spouses, good parents, good
friends, truly good people. These were not sketchy people who had
ALWAYS been on the edge, never felt secure with them and stuff like
that, these were reliable, responsible, loving, caring, even adoring
spouses, parents, sons.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>In a regular breakup, a couple likely had problems they tried to
work on but could not get past. Basically, did you repeatedly attempt to
work it out? Then it's a breakup. Is it from Mars? It's MLC.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I tell you what, I can now tell a single MLCer from a mile away.
Suddenly I take all those stories with a grain of salt, wherein the wife
is cold and unloving, and the poor innocent husband was forced to leave
her, and she is poisoning the children's minds, not letting him see the
kids, etc. My sensor just starts beeping when I hear that--from either
side! A friend of mine says, all perplexed, that one of her single
girlfriends left her home, and the kids live with the ex-husband in the
family home. I said, "Clearly this is MLC for the woman! What mom just
up and leaves her kids?" I tell you, my eyes are wide open now. I
appreciate enlightenment, though it often comes at a price.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>... This I do not understand, because if they are fully aware that
their behavior is unusual for themselves, then they also must realize
that they are spending out of control, not taking care of their
businesses, or not doing their jobs as well as they should. They must
also be aware that they are hurting their children and spouses, ok if
not emotionally, if they honestly feel their children will some day get
over this and accept it all, then at least financially destroying the
well-being of their offspring. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I asked my brother-in-law who returned home after two years:</li>
</ul>
"Did you miss my sister when you were gone? Did you even think about her?”<br />
"Non stop ALL the time. My head was swinging wildly. I never stopped thinking of her."<br />
“Why did you leave?” <br />
"I couldn't stand the way she spoke to me. The other woman was nicer." <br />
"Why'd you come back?" <br />
"Because
I couldn't stop picturing her and the kids' faces when I closed my
eyes. Plus, I didn't want her to be with someone else." <br />
"Why two years?"<br />
"That's how long it took for me to be tortured enough to finally figure it out."<br />
<br />
They
do protest too much though, for people that don't care about us
anymore. My sister whose husband came back said the end was the worst.
Her husband’s head wildly spinning back and forth, trying to convince
the kids that the other woman was ok and then checking if his wife was
still there for him. Crazy head spinning. Sad and confused. He confirms
this now!!!<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Don't give in to the desire to say anything to anyone else. I have
recently been contacted by an old family friend who appeared to take H's
side when things went belly-up two years ago, putting our friendship
under strain. We hadn't been in contact since last year and her email
reopened some raw wounds for me. I know from her justification for
taking his 'side' that he spoke ill of me and our relationship but I
also know he was justifying his actions back then (and maybe still
now). I so wanted to retaliate! But that was me just being the 'woman
scorned'. Whatever is to happen in the future is between my H and me.
There is nothing to be gained from my stirring the s**t , only means
more s**t to clean up afterwards. We don't need that.</li>
</ul>
whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-74534081475369671702013-07-16T06:26:00.003-04:002013-07-16T06:26:35.844-04:00MLC Script: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give<br />
<ul>
<li>I need space.</li>
<li>I need to be on my own. </li>
<li>I need to go away and find myself. </li>
<li>I need to be alone.</li>
<li>I want a new life.</li>
<li>I’m becoming the man I always should have been.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I need to find happiness. </li>
<li>It’s time for me to be happy.</li>
<li>I haven’t been happy for years.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I want to be selfish for once in my life. </li>
<li>It’s my turn to be selfish now.</li>
<li>I’m tired of spending my life doing what everyone else wants.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I feel like I’m dying. </li>
<li>I was suffocating. </li>
<li>You suck the life out of me. </li>
<li>If I didn’t leave, I’d die.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I had to leave.</li>
<li>I tried.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The marriage is killing me.</li>
<li>I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I love you but I’m not in love with you. </li>
<li>I don’t love you the way I should.</li>
<li>I haven’t loved you for 10 years, but I was stuck and too lazy to do anything about it.</li>
<li>I never loved you.</li>
<li>I never should have married you.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>We didn’t work. </li>
<li>We’re not compatible.</li>
<li>We drifted apart. </li>
<li>We’ve become different people.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>We’re more like brother and sister.</li>
<li>We're more like roommates. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>In my head I decided you don’t love me.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>You changed. </li>
<li>You never change.</li>
<li>Now we can become the people we were meant to be.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I felt so alone.</li>
<li>I’m so unhappy. </li>
<li>It’s a crime to the universe to be this unhappy. </li>
<li>I’m not happy and you are the cause.</li>
<li>Nothing I did made you happy. </li>
<li>All I ever did was try to make you happy. </li>
<li>Nothing I did was good enough for you.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Why do you always have to be right about everything?</li>
<li>You emasculated me. </li>
<li>You didn’t make me feel wanted. </li>
<li>You pushed me away. </li>
<li>You abandoned me.</li>
<li>You don’t admire me.</li>
<li>You don't respect me.</li>
<li>You micromanaged me. </li>
<li>You were too controlling.</li>
<li>I’m nothing but a paycheck to you.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I didn’t abandon you guys, I still give you money.</li>
<li>You are the one in denial.</li>
<li>You need to move on. </li>
<li>We’re over and you’re not accepting it. </li>
<li>You’re too independent. </li>
<li>Our marriage was over 5/10/15/20 years ago.</li>
<li>I am never coming back.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Why can’t I have both of you?</li>
<li>The affair is not why I left. </li>
<li>The other woman has nothing to do with why I left.</li>
<li>The affair is irrelevant. </li>
<li>The affair doesn’t matter.</li>
<li>The other woman listens to me</li>
<li>The other woman admires me.</li>
<li>The other woman adores me.</li>
<li>The other woman is a fantasy.</li>
<li>The other woman is a distraction.</li>
<li>The other woman makes me feel safe.</li>
<li>The other woman makes me feel sane. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>You should date other people. </li>
<li>You’ll find someone better than me. </li>
<li>I’m not good enough for you.</li>
<li>I hope you find someone to give you the happiness I couldn’t. </li>
<li>I’m sorry I wasted your time. </li>
<li>I’m sorry I wasted so much of your life.</li>
<li>I hope we can be friends.</li>
<li>I don’t want to make any promises or give you false hope.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I’m not leaving the kids, I’m leaving you. </li>
<li>I did not leave the children.</li>
<li>The kids will be fine with me leaving. </li>
<li>The kids are better off.</li>
<li>The kids are happier now that I’m happy.</li>
<li>I’m a better dad now.</li>
<li>I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I hope we can settle this amicably, without the need for lawyers.</li>
<li>Maybe we can get back together when all the debts are settled. </li>
</ul>
whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-55335792465121847022013-07-16T06:17:00.004-04:002013-07-16T06:17:39.101-04:00Forum post from a woman whose father battled depressionMy
father, who has always suffered from depression, explained how angry he
used to feel to see other people happy and how it used to make him
resent them, that he would push them away because he really needed to
talk to someone on his level.<br />
<br />
He explained how paranoid
he became that nobody cared no matter how much they showed they did, he
just thought they were lying, why would they care for him?<br />
<br />
He
described the feeling of watching himself and thinking "that person can
not be me because I am smiling" and that he did not know how to be
happy or how it felt to be happy because he was dead inside. I mentioned
H’s dead eyes and he said that is because he feels dead inside.<br />
<br />
He
totally understood the running away because he said H associated all of
this anger and resentment with me, our home and our life when all that
would happen is that the unhappiness will return and just keep getting
worse until eventually something has to give.<br />
<br />
He did
say that to start with, he felt physically ill all the time -- tired,
restless, angry, sad -- and then he spiraled out of control as the fog
came over him. He has done some awful things during his life but I
think I understand a bit more now that he was not always in control of
what he was doing and that he was desperately clinging on to stop these
things happening.<br />
<br />
He has been on medication for many
years and if he comes off them he becomes a monster pretty quickly so he
is resigned to taking them for the rest of his life.<br />
<br />
One
thing my father said last night is that he could never have spoken to
anyone close to him as he became paranoid that they were the enemy and
that he resented the fact that they seemed strong and happy, so he could
understand why H latched on to someone who is pretty mixed up herself,
it goes with what is said on here and what my counselor has mentioned,
that at the moment H feels safe with someone who is also not very
stable. He also said that the grass is not always greener but when you
are in a deep depression you are convinced that the fantasy will be.whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-39777406569407553312013-07-16T06:05:00.001-04:002013-07-16T06:05:25.877-04:00Parker-Pope, Tara. “The Midlife Crisis Goes Global.” New York Times, January 30, 2008.<br />
The
midlife crisis, a time of self-doubt and turmoil familiar to many in
their 40s and 50s, is often viewed as a phenomenon of Western culture.
But new research suggests that people all over the world are miserable
in middle age.<br />
<br />
Those are the surprising findings from a
worldwide study of two million people from 80 countries. The
researchers, economists Andrew Oswald from the University of Warwick in
England and David Blanchflower from Dartmouth College in the United
States, found that happiness levels followed a U-shaped curve, with
happiness higher towards the start and end of our lives. Across
cultures, they found, depression and unhappiness typically strike people
in midlife.<br />
<br />
The findings are important because other
studies have suggested that psychological well-being stays relatively
flat and consistent as people age, the researchers said. The latest
report, to be published in Social Science & Medicine, analyzed
information from several sources. Data was collected from 500,000
randomly sampled Americans and West Europeans from large surveys. The
authors also analyzed data on the mental health levels of 16,000
Europeans, the depression and anxiety levels among a large sample of
British citizens, and data from “The World Values Survey,” which
provides samples of people in 80 countries.<br />
<br />
The
researchers found that for both British men and women, the probability
of depression peaks around 44 years of age. In the United States,
unhappiness peaks at around age 40 for women and 50 for men. They found
the same U-shape in happiness levels and life satisfaction by age for
people living in 72 countries.<br />
<br />
The authors noted that
signs of midlife depression are found in all kinds of people and not
just those affected by divorce or changes in jobs or income.<br />
<br />
“Some
people suffer more than others, but in our data the average effect is
large,” said Dr. Oswald, in a University of Warwick news release. “It
happens to men and women, to single and married people, to rich and
poor, and to those with and without children. Nobody knows why we see
this consistency.”<br />
<br />
Despair in midlife comes on slowly, but the good news is that it doesn’t last.<br />
<br />
“It
looks from the data like something happens deep inside humans,” Dr.
Oswald said. “Only in their 50s do most people emerge from the low
period. But encouragingly, by the time you are 70, if you are still
physically fit, then on average you are as happy and mentally healthy as
a 20-year-old. Perhaps realizing that such feelings are completely
normal in midlife might even help individuals survive this phase
better.”whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1565034038291902453.post-83175351774960584362013-07-16T05:59:00.000-04:002013-07-16T05:59:45.341-04:00Midlife Crisis Test<br />
<ul>
<li>Mistrusts friends, family, and work associates </li>
<li>Expresses unhappiness with spouse/life/family/job, enjoys life less</li>
<li>Low self-esteem/feels increasingly inadequate</li>
<li>Euphoric/high-energy OR depressed/sad/low-energy OR alternating between the two</li>
<li>Has excess nervous energy - nervous or anxious, sometimes paranoid</li>
<li>Frequently irritable/irritated/grumpy</li>
<li>Uncharacteristically, suddenly hostile</li>
<li>Angry over obligations to others, particularly financial obligations to spouse and children</li>
<li>Frustrated that income is spent on others</li>
<li>Worries excessively</li>
<li>Increasingly forgetful about appointments, deadlines, and dates</li>
<li>Has trouble making decisions</li>
<li>Expresses a recent, growing dissatisfaction in job or career/work performance deteriorates</li>
<li>Fears that life is running out too quickly</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Addicted to Internet, Facebook, cell phone, texting, etc.</li>
<li>Uses more alcohol, drugs, food, TV</li>
<li>Frequently fantasizes about getting away from it all </li>
<li>Suddenly interested in new culture, language, food, religion </li>
<li>Loses interest in activities previously enjoyed OR picks up new hobbies</li>
<li>Angry at God / quits going to church</li>
<li>Frequently daydreams about the good old days of youth</li>
<li>Music listening habits center on romance songs from teen or college years </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Lacks energy</li>
<li>Changes sleeping habits/Falls asleep after dinner or can’t sleep</li>
<li>Feels out of shape</li>
<li>Recently started working out, bought a new wardrobe or a new car</li>
<li>Loses height</li>
<li>Strength and/or endurance decrease</li>
<li>Constantly criticizes and blames spouse</li>
<li>Shows less sexual interest in spouse</li>
<li>Does not respond to spouse’s attempts to repair marriage</li>
<li>Has an increased feeling of euphoria when talking to someone of the opposite sex</li>
<li>Fantasizes about having a sexual affair</li>
<li>Libido decreases</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Tells spouse that affair partner or potential affair partner is “just a friend”</li>
<li>Tells spouse suddenly “I no longer love you” or “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”</li>
<li>Has a new group of friends kept away from spouse; they are either younger or divorced</li>
<li>Drinks more/goes out to bars, often with younger people</li>
</ul>
<br />whatismidlifecrisishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163101043834305969noreply@blogger.com0